Oh for Ya-Tze’s sake, don’t bolt up to attention! You’re off duty, remember? Anyway, that’s not the Academy Superintendent. Just another emeritus admiral, a legendary explorer and former Academy Superintendent. Now retired like me. Well, semi-retired.

So stop staring at those teeth and relax, guys n’ gals. If you plan to serve as human advisors out there, you better get used to this kind of demmie, too. Trust me, it’s better now. Mostly.

Anyway, it’s not you Admiral Bloodsucker has come hunting for, you cheeky shavetails. It’s me. And that’s my wife you’re staring at – still a beauty after all the decades and light-years and shattered foes we left in our wake.

As for those teeth? Forget about ’em.

They’re for me. Just me.

The end

Appreciations and Afterword

Okay, okay. Comedy is hard.

No, seriously, I’ve had a wider range of responses from The Ancient Ones, across its many drafts, than any other book I’ve written. Some sober professional agents and editors even called this work a “career-killer!” Is that how you feel right now?

But then, if you made it this far…

Humor has so many variants and styles, ranging from Stooge-slapstick to tragicomic irony, as in Catch-22. I was naturally inspired by Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett, but also by delights ranging from the Hoka series of Poul Anderson and Gordon Dickson to the wry wit of Connie Willis, to the broad hilarity of Bored of the Rings. Some folks kindly say they chuckled often while reading my novels Kiln People and The Practice Effect.

In those tales… and this one… I aimed at a particular part of the humor spectrum, a style where the reader first accepts a far-out premise, then nods and says: “within that strange context, yeah, it could happen.”

Other kinds of comedic writing make strange bedbug-fellows. Did you notice a change in tone, during our hero’s voyage across the sugar desert? Much of that material was offered up by sci fi grand master Mike Resnick, when we discussed possible collaboration. I found his sample chapter hilarious… though alas incompatible overall. That’s all right; Mike and I will find another route to working together. (See his magazine Galaxy’s Edge!) Meanwhile, I found a way to insert some of his lovely weirdstuff in the context of Alvin Montessori’s high-fructose delirium. Did that work?

I should mention: early versions of the first four chapters of The Ancient Ones were serialized in Baen’s Universe magazine, edited by another modern SF master, Erik Flint. Oh and the song “I’ll Never Grow Up” was from that Peter Pan musical. And no, there never was a “Road to Transylvania” film by Hope, Crosby and Lamour… at least to my knowledge… or that I’d confirm to you.