I think I was meant to see him as a pathetic person. In fact, he was just pursuing his own variety of interest and seeing if anyone wanted to join in. His kink was perhaps vulnerability, performed vulnerability, although in this world it played as a kind of madness. I also knew this was sort of a lazy reading of him, because in fact it was twisted, which meant it was special. And if it was special, wasn’t it honourable too?

I still didn’t particularly want to spend any more time with him.

‘I think I know what I’m doing,’ I said. ‘We just want different things.’

He studied me. ‘My god,’ he said. ‘You don’t want me. You want him.’

‘Dan?’ I said. I rolled my eyes. Speaking of lazy readings.

‘You love Dan.’

‘Whatever.’ I shrugged.

In a way it was true, but not in the way you could sit there at the kitchen bench and accuse somebody with. I loved Dan like I loved Vegemite, more than that even, but not in the way that you would dress up in a jockstrap and bury like a secret.

‘I didn’t think you’d say yes,’ he said.

‘I didn’t,’ I said.

His eyes widened. He looked so hopeful.

‘Oh, but you’re right though,’ I said.

He bit his fist. He said, ‘Then you know where you should be.’

I liked that this was also true, but not for the reason he believed.

I had fifty in my wallet and twentyish in the bank, both of which were meant to take me through to my next Centrelink payment. Le sigh, I would have to spend; I conjured up an Uber.

Even though it was New Year’s Eve, a purple dusky hour, the traffic snarl had cleared. The trip was propitiously not surge-priced. The adrenaline was pumping as I waved goodbye to Richmond. The wind had picked up again; the curtains streamed after me, making the whole suburb seem abandonable and lonely. I realised I had failed in my only mission, a towel retrieval mission. But it was too late to turn around.

‘Are you okay?’ asked the driver.

‘Yes,’ I said.

We swung left onto Johnston.

‘I’m a little quiet tonight.’

‘That’s fine,’ the driver said.

Now we were on Nicholson Street, where so recently I’d been in the car with the Richmond Man, driving in the opposite direction . . .

‘Just a busy day with work,’ I said.

‘It’s no problem at all.’

The driver pulled slowly onto Brunswick Road, then circled towards our house.

‘Hey, have a nice night,’ the driver said.

The car slowed down and stopped.

In my pocket, my phone buzzed.

I got out and picked it up.

It was an unknown number.

‘Hello?’ I said.

‘Hiiii,’ it said.

It was Chris L.

‘Hi Chris L,’ I said. ‘How did you get my number?’

The driver pulled away.