There’s an urge building up inside me, and I don’t realize quite what it is until I release my hold on Bao and slide one of my arms across his back. When I’m out in the water, I’m free from the Minnow and everything it stands for. I’m my own entity, with all the power that a Reckoner can give. And I want to show them just how powerful I am.

I’ve tried this trick with a few terrapoid pups, but Bao’s no ordinary terrapoid. His eyes roll when he realizes what I’m doing, and he beats his forelegs against the sea, a growl of protest building up in his throat. I shift my weight on top of him, push my torso up, and bring my leg swinging around so that I sit squarely on top of his keratin-plated back.

Bao tenses. I can feel his intention to buck me off building in the coils of his muscles, but before he can act on it, a wave of noise paralyzes him. The trainer deck erupts into cheers.

It comes all at once, in a cacophony of shouts and hollers and slaps on the back. But the pirates aren’t cheering for me. They’re celebrating what I’ve done, and a horrible, sick feeling rushes over me as I realize exactly what that is. I’ve taken a monster used to destroy them and tamed it in their favor. I’ve hatched the enemy’s tool and shaped it into something they can wield. And here, sitting squarely on his back, I’m the very image of a conqueror, my full weight thrown on the subjugated.

I’m not a girl. I’m a symbol.

And I represent everything that I shouldn’t.

The shame burns from the back of my eyes and I feel tears start to well up. But I can’t let them see how this is affecting me. I’ve got to keep playing the part they want me to play. So I wind my fingers tight around a plate protruding from Bao’s neck and thrust my fist in the air, swallowing back the salt water threatening to drown my eyes.

I force myself to smile when the cheers get louder.

13

13