Brenda was still going, her voice lighter, and she pointed to a television room as we went past. “AJ comes to visit every weekend. Whenever the football games are on, those two are cackling like little girls together. One time they watched in here and a few of the other guys came to watch with them. It’s a sight to see. Damian, AJ, and four older gentlemen. They all get along like best friends. Damian enjoys giving the older guys dating advice, because—”

She stopped, realized I wasn’t following, and turned back. “A few of the older ones are dating, you see…”

AJ.

“AJ comes to see him?” I choked out.

Understanding dawned, and she nodded, biting her bottom lip. “Yeah. I reached out after you two broke up, and he’s been helping.”

His childhood best friend. The two had a falling-out, and that’s when I came into the picture.

“He talked about AJ, but I never met him.”

“Yeah. He, uh…” She drew closer, nodding her head. “AJ talked to me a little about their argument. I think… I think Damian knew what was coming for him. AJ had just gotten married. Angie was pregnant, and I think it was hard for Damian to see that. Then he found you, and to be totally honest, I think he wanted to keep you all for himself, for as long as possible.”

Damian ’s mom was back in his life. He had the dog he’d always wanted. His childhood best friend was back in his life.

I was the one gone.

“I’m so sorry.” The dam broke. I didn’t even try to wipe my tears. It would’ve been pointless. “I’m so sorry I left him—”

“Oh, honey.” She caught me, her arms wrapping tightly around me. “No, no. Don’t think like that. You—it’s different for you than me, different than even with AJ. He’s my son. I had a husband. I had a family. And Damian’s my family—that’ll never change. The same with AJ. He has a family.”

She was trying to make me feel better, but it didn’t matter.

She was losing a son. AJ was losing a best friend.

“Hey!” She was more forceful, as if reading my mind. She caught my face in her hands and looked me in the eyes. “You are mourning. I know how much you loved him, and when you see him, it’s going to be a different grief. Because he’s still here, but he’s not the same Damian.”

More tears. They were choking me, damming up in my throat.

“He was going to be my husband.”

“I know,” she crooned. “I know, honey.”

“I wanted him to be the father of my children.”