Yvonne flinched. “Why would you think that? Ruby, I would never, ever, ever do anything like that.”

“I know.” Ruby shook her head repeatedly, as though she were trying to shake free a thought. “I know. It was stupid, I know you’re not him, I just…”

“Him?” Yvonne put a hand on Ruby’s arm. “Ruby, what’s going on?”

Ruby pulled away, her eyes downcast. “It’s nothing.”

“Ruby, talk to me. Who do you mean?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Yvonne stifled a curse. Ruby was shutting down on her. That was the worst thing that could happen right now, given that Ruby had been in such a vulnerable state moments ago. She’d be feeling raw and emotional. If Yvonne didn’t do something soon, things would get much worse. But it was impossible for her to do anything when she didn’t know what was going on.

Yvonne changed tack. “You don’t have to tell me what’s going on. Just tell me what you need from me right now.”

“I just want to be alone,” Ruby said.

Yvonne shook her head. “Ruby, you need to understand, you can’t be alone right now. You’re not yourself. You’re having some kind of reaction to what we were doing. Ending a scene like this, so abruptly, it means you’re going to crash. You need aftercare. You need me.” She looked into Ruby’s eyes, pleading with her. “Let me help you.”

“I’m sorry,” Ruby said, her voice shaking. “I just, I can’t.”

Without another word, Ruby got up from the bed and fled the room.

A flood of dread consumed Yvonne. She wanted to go after Ruby, but Ruby had made herself clear. She sat down on the edge of the bed. She felt so helpless.

Not a minute later, she heard the front door slam shut.

Ruby was gone.

* * *

Ruby wandered through the park absently. She’d been walking aimlessly for who knew how long now. She didn’t know what she was doing or where she was going. It wasn’t like she had anywhere to go in this stupid city. She’d just felt the urge to escape that tiny room, that apartment.

She steadied herself. Her thoughts were spiraling, along with her emotions. It hadn’t taken long for the initial fear she’d felt to pass, but it had been replaced with a deep gnawing within her, like she was being eaten from inside.

Ruby collapsed onto a nearby bench. She felt awful about how she’d reacted toward Yvonne. Ruby hadn’t truly believed Yvonne would hurt her. Yvonne’s actions tonight had made that even more clear. Ruby hadn’t even used her safeword, but Yvonne had stopped anyway.

Yvonne wasn’t him. Ruby knew that. But at that moment, when Yvonne had said those words, she’d gone right back to that nightmare of her past, a past she’d thought she’d finally overcome.

But she just couldn’t escape it.

She swallowed back her growing tears. Her thoughts were going to dark places. What was wrong with her? Was this that ‘crash’ Yvonne had warned her about, that drop that came after the high? Her emotions felt out of control.