I can see his chest pitch up and down. I’ve probably overstepped but it’s too late to take it back now.

“I haven’t.” His tone is sure and final, not at all in the quiet voice that would have come from me. “I never really wanted to feel that way again. That’s why...”

Before he can finish, a car comes to a screeching halt at the corner. I gasp at the jarring sound as Ryan grabs my arm and pulls me behind him. Two cars are now stopped and are aggressively honking at each other when Ryan turns back to me, letting go of my arm.

I clear my throat and plaster on a smile. “Okay, I think that’s a sign that we should go inside. We’ve both had a lot to drink so let’s head on up and eat this pizza.” Without waiting for a response, I walk into the entrance with Ryan falling in step behind me. Pizza makes everything better. Hopefully.

Once we’re inside, I kick off my shoes and flop down onto the couch, finding Duke asleep under my desk. I’m toasty drunk so the freezing apartment doesn’t give me immediate pneumonia. Ryan puts the pizza box on the kitchen counter and sits down in the reading chair across from me. He nudges his sneakers off as I close my eyes and sink back into the unbelievably comfortable cushions.

“Can I ask you something?”

I open my eyes to look at him. “Sure.”

He hesitates before going on. “The last time I called you, when you finally picked up...did you mean what you said or was it a lie?”

I think back to the call and a heavy weight starts to press inside me. I told him I used to laugh at him—that I was happier without him—that he was a waste of time. I wonder now if my words from that day stayed with him as much as his words put down roots in me.

“Of course it was a lie,” I admit. “After we broke up, all I thought about was going back to you.”

“I wish you would have. Or I should have come back for you.”

His statement almost knocks the wind out of me but I don’t show it.

“It wouldn’t have made a difference,” I tell him. “Too much happened. It couldn’t have worked.” Ryan doesn’t say anything and I take his silence as an opportunity. “Were you lying back then, too? Or were you really cheating on me?”

Ryan looks at me for a long time. “What do you think?” he asks.

“I don’t think you would do that to me.”

“I wouldn’t,” he affirms.