My eyes fill up with tears. I hate that I let what happened with Ryan affect the other relationships in my life. I want to get over it. I want to move on but I can’t. I want to forget but I won’t.

“I’m sorry,” I say brokenly. “I know I’m a terrible person, but I still can’t believe what happened. I was the other woman, Maggie. That’s all I am and that’s all I was to him and I got exactly what I deserved.”

“Kara.” Maggie’s voice is troubled but firm. “Don’t talk about yourself like that. That’s not what you are and there’s no way that’s what you were to him.”

“That’s what I feel like.” I try to gather my thoughts, but everything gets lost in a teary haze. “I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew he was never supposed to be mine, but I didn’t care because I loved him so much. I still love him so much. I keep disappointing my dad over and over again and this is my punishment.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m the reason my dad is dead! I fought with him and maybe he wasn’t looking and if it wasn’t for me, he might still be here. And even after all that, I went back to Ryan again and I want to go back to him now. I betrayed my dad twice over and I’m still betraying him to this day.”

“Kara, stop!” Maggie’s voice holds so much weight that it seems like the only real thing in the world. I cling to the phone like a lifeline.

“You need to listen to me,” she says. “What happened to your dad was not your fault. He wasn’t chasing you and Ryan into the road and he wasn’t thinking of you and walking into traffic. He was crossing the street and an old man hit him. It was a horrible accident and nothing else.”

I keep the phone pinned to my ear and cover my eyes with my free hand. Tears spill down my cheeks. My face feels so hot and red that I think I might burst.

“You have to let your guilt go now. When you think about your dad, not about how he was the last time you saw him, but how he always was, do you think this is what he would want for you? Do you think he would want you emotionally mutilating yourself because in your mind, you let him down? Is that how you want to honor him?”

“No,” I say, mewing like a child as I keep wiping away tears.

“You never have to forget him, you just have to release the pieces that hurt. Love is the part of him you get to keep.”