Part of me is afraid that bringing Ryan to see him is wrong. That my dad wouldn’t want it. That he’d be disappointed in me again. I’m not sure how to feel but Ryan is watching me, waiting for me to say something to his painfully thoughtful offer.

“I’d like that,” I eventually manage. I give in then and allow a couple of tears to fall even as I let out a small laugh. “I really thought we were done with all the emotional stuff for the night. Weren’t we just joking about me being naked?”

Ryan wipes a tear away from the corner of my eye. “I didn’t mean to make you sad. I’ve just had a lot to say to you for a long time.”

“I know the feeling,” I say, still attempting to absorb it all. “It means a lot to me.”

Ryan kisses me, gentle and sweet. “You mean a lot to me. You always have.”

My cheeks pull back in a grin as I roll onto my side. Ryan moves me back to fit snugly against him, tucking the top of my head under his chin.

“So,” I say into the peaceful quiet of the room, “is this the wrong time for me to tell you that I want to see other people?”

I hear Ryan’s quiet laugh against my ear. “Sorry, Sullivan, but that’s not possible. You’re mine now.”

I smile to myself, thinking I probably always was his. I’m still smiling a few minutes later as I drift off into the most peaceful sleep I’ve had in years.

I wake up in an empty bed and with a pounding headache. Rolling off my stomach and onto my back, I massage my throbbing temples. Just touching my head is painful. I expected to feel the usual grossness after drinking too much last night but right now my body feels like I lost in a street fight.

Why am I so sore?

And then, a parade of images flashes through my mind. McFadden’s with Adam, Ryan walking in, pizza, walking home, talking in the living room, Ryan with my manuscript, me, my bed, me on my bed, Ryan on me on my bed.

More images come—varying from bow-chicka-wow-wow to talking about my dad to Ryan whispering into my ear that I was his.

It would be easy to panic but I desperately hold on to the sensations from last night. How I had no regrets. How it felt right. And even though it’s nothing new for me to wake up to an empty apartment, I can’t help but feel like Ryan should be here. That I shouldn’t be alone. And then I realize I’m not alone.