They had their own wives and families—and enough mouths to feed as it was. Gran sighed. I was angry at her for a long time. I took my disappointment out on Moira the most because she’d been more of a mother than a sister to me and I felt as though she’d abandoned me. Then as the years went on, it felt like the past was haunting me, shadowing everything I touched. I held on to my anger because it was easier than giving in to my grief. I thought God was punishing me each time I lost a baby, and I believed that I deserved it. When your father was born, I thought maybe I was finally forgiven for my sins, but he was to be our only child. I stopped being angry at Moira years ago—many, many years ago—but I could never bring myself to face her again. I could never come back here. Too much had been said that could never be taken back, and I guess part of me always felt guilty about that baby.

‘You were just a child yourself back then, Gran.’

But if I hadn’t been so self-obsessed and blinded by love … I always regretted giving that baby up so thoughtlessly.

‘Oh Gran,’ Elle sighed. She could imagine how difficult it must have been to look back on her past as an adult—older and wiser and regretting the decisions she’d made. It made sense now why she’d been so quiet since returning to Portsoy. Elle would never have come here if she’d realised how many painful memories were attached to this place. But then, if she hadn’t come here she would have never met her relatives and found some of her own missing pieces.

She eventually drifted off to sleep and the throb in her head eased, but it wasn’t a peaceful sleep. She dreamed of a young girl tearfully watching the shores of her homeland fade from sight as she leaned on the railing of a large ship, longing for a love who had abandoned her and a family she would never live to see again.

FOURTEEN

Fourteen

The Portsoy Ice Cream shop had been talked about in the Fitzgibbon household since the day Elle arrived, and she decided that today was the day to see what all the fuss was about. A long counter filled with vibrant colours and more flavours than she could process swarmed before her. Choose a flavour, the woman behind the counter had said. How on earth did anyone actually do that? Fudgey Wudgey, Raspberry and White Chocolate Shortcake, Cotton Candy, Lotus Biscoff, Chocolate Ginger, Ferrero Rocher, the list was endless. She ended up with Fudgey Wudgey because, well, it was kind of intriguing, and she topped it with Lotus Biscoff because she had no idea what that even was—YOLO and all that.

She looked up at a knock on the window across from her and saw Aila waving, moments before she entered the store and sat down at the table. ‘So? Was I right? The best ice cream in the world?’