‘It was never going to go well.’ I shrug. ‘She doesn’t understand my position at all. It shows me that I was absolutely right to exclude her from this decision. Well intended but false promises would be all I’d get from her.’

‘So, what next?’

‘No idea. But we should probably get out of here.’ I reach up and signal to the perplexed waiter.

Chapter 10

One month later, I’m wandering around my empty Glasgow apartment, doing my final checks, my footsteps echoing loudly through the empty high-ceilinged rooms. The home I shared with Dom, once so warm and inviting, now cold and vacant; reminiscent of how my life here has become.

‘That’s us ready to go, love,’ one of the removals men calls out to me.

‘OK, thanks.’ I join him in the hallway. ‘You have the key for my new place, right?’

‘Sure do.’ He jangles a set of keys in his pocket.

‘Great. And thanks again for agreeing to set up the furniture for me, it’ll be good to be able to move straight in tomorrow.’

‘No problem. All the best now.’

I see him out, then finish my checks before locking up for the final time and heading into the city centre for my train.

On entering the concourse of Glasgow Central Station, my senses are immediately engulfed by garbled train announcements, guards whistling, the smell of diesel, and people rushing to catch their trains. For some, this is an essential passage from A to B. For me, it oozes vibrancy and opportunity. Not just because of my brand-new start, but because this is the type of living I love: bustling, active, energetic.

Making my way across to the huge departure boards, I zone in on the illuminated timetable declaring the final destination of Birmingham, and I’m pleased to see that my train is on time. I feed my ticket into the machine and the paddle-shaped barriers snap open, allowing me onto the platform.

On locating my train and carriage, I’m about to board when an unexpected wave of emotion rushes over me. All of a sudden, my chest feels like it’s filled with cement, and my breathing becomes shallow as I fight the lump in my throat. Reaching up, I dab at the corners of my eyes, realising there are tears forming. Tears that I refuse to let come. What the hell is wrong with me? This is something I want to do, that I’m looking forward to.

But is it? A voice creeps into my head. The same one that visited me briefly in hospital. I only ‘want’ to do this because I’ve been left with no other choice. What I really wanted to do was get married, be Dom’s life partner in crime, continue my kickass career – and maybe have a couple of mischievous but amazing kids. Am I actually kidding myself? Is this the textbook denial my sister described?

‘You getting on board, love?’ The train guard shocks me out of my self-doubt. ‘The train’s about to go.’