Tears prick at my eyes as I realise I must say the words out loud. I can’t stay mute on a call. Emmanuel will end up calling the emergency services.

‘I… I’ve had a relapse.’

There’s a momentary silence as Emmanuel digests this. ‘Oh, sweetheart. I’m so sorry. Are you at home?’

‘Yes.’

‘In bed?’

‘Yes.’

‘OK, good. That’s where you need to stay. How bad is it – on a scale of one to ten?’

I consider playing it down, but where’s that going to get me? If this is anything like my last relapse, I’m going to have to fess up pretty quickly. And what scares me is that at this particular moment, it feels a lot worse.

‘It’s a ten.’

‘OK, sweetheart. First thing – I don’t want you to worry about work at all. We were prepared for this. We took you on knowing it would happen at some point.’

‘But it’s not “some point”. It’s too soon after my last one. I’ve only been with you a few months. Thought I’d get to a year, maybe even two, before this kind of setback.’ I flinch at how pathetic I sound.

‘And you may have that period of remission in the future, you know that. But we need to deal with what’s happening now. Alex, I know you’re on your own down here, so I hope you don’t mind if I ask you this: are you able to get out of bed?’

My throat tightens with emotion and the tears finally overflow, tracking their way down my cheeks. ‘No.’

‘OK, that means you need some help. Do you have anyone you can call? What about your boyfriend, Matt is it?’

Matt’s gorgeous face flits through my mind.

‘I can call the doctor,’ I say in a small voice.

There’s a pause. ‘He doesn’t know, does he?’

‘No.’

‘OK, I tell you what. I’m going to come to your apartment and be there with you until—’

‘Emmanuel, no. You have work to do. I don’t want to set you back too.’

I also don’t want her to see me like this.

‘Alex, nothing is more important right now than this. Plus – and I don’t want to upset you – I’m going to have to contact your letting agent to ask for a spare key. If you’re unable to get out of bed, you’re not going to be able to let me or a doctor in.’

This realisation hits me hard. She’s right. I’ve allowed myself to get into a ridiculous situation, all because I was determined to be independent and live my best life. Now I’m experiencing the humiliating result of that decision.

‘No, please don’t, Emmanuel. I can try again. It may be worse because I’ve just woken up.’

‘Alex, there’s nothing to be—’

‘Please, Emmanuel. Let me try first.’

There’s another short pause. ‘All right. But I’m going to stay on the phone. Please don’t overdo it and get yourself into a worse situation.’