“Oh, my God.” He leans forward and sets the can of beer on the coffee table with a little too much force and some of it slops over his knuckles. “Yes, Jess. My precious job is fine. I’m not going to do anything to fuck with Pops’s health insurance, all right? I’ve got it covered.”

“That’s not what I—” I cut myself off, because honestly, that is what I meant. He’s not fine. It’s clear he’s going through something, but it’s not his welfare I was asking about. Guilt has me dropping my eyes, scraping a hand over the back of my neck.

It’s Pops who’s been at the forefront of my mind for the last year. Ever since his diagnosis. It’s Pops who I’ve turned my life upside-down for. And I expected Jack to do the same. He looks like he’s holding on by his fingernails? Well, aren’t I the one who’s been expecting him to do just that? Have I cared at all what he’s been doing in his free time as long as he shows up for work?

“Jack,” I try, “if you need help with something, all you’ve gotta do is ask.”

He frowns at me. “I’ve got it covered, Jess. Now, is this just a social call? Or did you need something? Because I’m tired and I gotta get up early.”

And I just can’t do it. All the words get jammed up in my throat and my plan suddenly seems so stupid. If I’m being honest, I knew it was useless even before I got on the train. Unless Jack magically has a time machine, there’s no fixing this. The bottom line is this: if Eliot finds out who Jack is, Jack’s life goes to hell. And so does Pops’s. And so does mine.

Either I tell Jack what’s going on with Eliot and make him feel like shit over something he can’t change any better than I can. Or I keep my mouth shut and we both just keep individually weathering this terrible time.

“I . . . I just wanted to see your face,” I tell him, standing up.

It isn’t until I’m on the train again that I let my head fall into my hands. I’ve been fooling myself into thinking that there was anything I could do. But there’s not. It is what it is. I can’t be on Eliot’s side. I made my decision on that first phone call when I didn’t tell him who I was. I’d already betrayed him even then. I chose Jack.