I scramble for my computer so fast I knock it off the bed. It’s times like these that I feel like a third-grader in a man’s body. There are moments in my life when I could swear I haven’t grown up at all. And feet balancing on the bed, one hand planted on the floor, reaching with my fingertips for something I just dropped while my blankets tangle around my legs is definitely one of those times.

As I gather it back up, I take a deep breath. I peruse the options for the baking show, and we decide on an episode, coordinating to press play at the same moment. Plucky music and colorful baked goods fill my screen. I get a message from JD and pause the show to listen to it.

“Crap. This is backfiring. Instead of making me sleepy, it’s making me hungry.”

“I know. I haven’t eaten a cupcake in about a decade, but suddenly I feel like I’d faceplant into one given the chance.”

“You haven’t eaten a cupcake in a decade? Are you shitting me?”

“Just health-conscious. Sugar and dyes make me lose it.”

“Like what kind of losing it?”

“Like seeing spots in my vision and tapping my fingers a mile a minute and impulse-buying egg boilers off the home shopping network.”

“That . . . is a very specific type of losing it. Oh, shit! That was such a sick burn from that old lady judge.”

“What? What burn? They haven’t even started judging yet.”

“Huh? Wait, what minute are you on?”

I realize the issue immediately and am already exiting out of our text strand and calling her number before I can think twice.

Chapter Four

“Um. Hello? Hoffman?”

“Hi.”

“Why . . . are you calling?”

“Yeah. Um. Sorry. Sort of impulsive on my part, but I realized that we were messaging at different rates and messing up the show.”

“Huh?”

“I was pausing the show each time I sent or received a message, and I’m guessing you weren’t?”

“Nope.”

“So, I’m a few minutes behind you.”

“Oh, okay, what minute are you on? I’ll rewind.”

“. . .”

“Eliot?”

“Sorry! Yeah, I’m on minute twelve and forty-two seconds. I . . . really didn’t expect you to play along with me on this one.”

“It’s two in the morning and I’m clearly not about to fall asleep, what else is there to do?”

“Hey, JD?”

“Yeah?”

“We’ve definitely met in person before, right?”

“That information will cost you, hmmm, ten points at least.”

“Deal.”

“Yes, we’ve definitely met in person.”

“Best ten points I’ve ever spent. Hey, JD?”

“Yes, Eliot.”

“Ha. You know, I may not know who you are, but I can definitely tell when you’re rolling your eyes. Anyway. Thanks for watching with me. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only person in the world left awake on nights like this.”