The group of neighbors out front all look up at me in a mixture of surprise and confusion. Probably because I’ve got my hands on my knees while I gasp for air and there’s a half-zipped backpack slipping off one shoulder.

Suddenly there’s a firm hand on my elbow and I quickly straighten. I’m standing ten inches away from my super, looking down into her concerned face. From this distance I notice that in addition to the septum piercing she actually has a small eyebrow piercing I’ve never noticed before. I probably notice now because her eyebrows are pulled forward into a tight knot. She’s lined with concern for me.

I see her lips form the words, “Are you all right?” but there’s no sound that accompanies it.

“Oh. Earplugs,” I say, surely way too loud. I go to remove them but before I can answer her question her phone lights up in her hand and she turns away to answer it.

I put the earplugs in my pocket and wave to my neighbors as I start the walk to Vera’s. It’s almost ten o’clock, but the walk is brightly lit and almost cheery. It’s a warm enough night that every few houses there are people sitting on their stoops, smoking or talking or just watching the night pass by.

I’ve always loved this city. I’ve been living here since I was eighteen years old. Which means I’ve lived here almost as long as I lived in my hometown. April and May are by far my two favorite months. When people are just starting to poke their heads out of the ground. When they’re happy to be out in the world, but still sleepy after a long winter. When everyone is just relieved that, yup, in fact the seasons do still change after all. In my mind, it’s the most relaxed time of year. Everyone is looking forward to the summer, but no one is grumpy about the hot weather yet.

This is the time of year when the streets in my neighborhood almost feel like an extension of my home. I usually feel comfortable. But right now I can’t ignore the clammy sweat at my back. I think messaging with JD has been so fun this week that I was starting to think things were turning around for me. But now, I realize that this has all just been a distraction. I’m not moving on. I’m just pretending it didn’t happen.

I’m standing on the sidewalk in front of Vera’s apartment building, but before I buzz up to her apartment I have one more thing I have to do.

I pull out my phone and call JD.

It rings five and a half times before she answers.

“Eliot?”

“Hey. I didn’t think you were gonna answer.”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“Are you jogging?”

“Huh?”