And he certainly has no control over the fact that I’m a princess. Unfortunately.

FTLOUIE: Seriously, Michael. Except for a nice dinner, I don’t want anything.

SKINNERBX: Are you SURE? Because that’s not what you said at Christmas.

What did I say I wanted at Christmas? I can’t even remember now. I hope he’s not thinking of getting me another Fiesta Giles action figure. Because now that Buffy’s only on in reruns, it just makes me sad to look at her and her friends, on their little plastic stands in the cemetery on my dresser. In fact, I’ve been thinking of replacing them with a lavender plant since the smell of lavender is supposed to be soothing, and I need all the soothing I can get.

Or the Napoleon Dynamite–Style Time Machine Modulus Mr. Gianini confiscated off a kid in his freshman Algebra class and gave to me. Whichever fits better.

Besides, Michael doesn’t have time to be bidding on eBay. He needs to spend what little free time he has with me.

Okay, I have to put a kibosh on the gift thing. It’s got to be really hard on Michael, figuring out what to get for a girl who can basically get anything she wants from her palace. He’s just a poor, hardworking student. It’s just not fair to him. Or any boy who might happen to be dating a princess.

FTLOUIE: I have an idea. Let’s make a rule: From now on, we can only give each other presents we’ve MADE.

SKINNERBX: Are you serious?

FTLOUIE: Serious as L. Ron Hubbard was that we’re all descended from aliens.

SKINNERBX: Okay. You’re on.

WOMYNRULE: POG, are you online with my brother again?

Crud. It’s Lilly.

FTLOUIE: Yes. What do you want?

WOMYNRULE: Just to remind you that SHE FLEW IN ON A HELICOPTER.

FTLOUIE: I have flown into tons of things in a helicopter.

Although this is not strictly true. I have only been on a helicopter once, when there was an accident on the FDR and there was no other way to get to the private jet parked at Teterboro.

But I know what Lilly is getting at, and I’m trying to nip it in the bud.

ILUVROMANCE: Mia, you HAVE to have a party. You HAVE to. I know you’re upset about what happened at your birthday party last year.

Oh, great! Now Tina’s getting in on it, too?

FTLOUIE: Gang up on me, why don’t you, everybody.

ILUVROMANCE: Lilly PROMISES what happened last year at your party won’t happen this year. We won’t play Seven Minutes in Heaven. We are way more mature than that now.

WOMYNRULE: And besides, I’m with J. P. now.

FTLOUIE: You were with Boris then. But it still happened.

WOMYNRULE: But things with Boris were so boring. I mean, where could it go?

ILUVROMANCE: Um. Ahem.

WOMYNRULE: Sorry. I’m sure things with you and Boris are totally different.

ILUVROMANCE: Dang straight.

WOMYNRULE: But you know what I mean. Things with J. P. are still so…well…you know.