SKINNERBX: Poor baby. So what do you want for your birthday?

FTLOUIE: Just you.

SKINNERBX: Are you serious???? Because that can totally be arranged. Doo Pak is going to be gone for the weekend on a Korean Student Association campout in the Catskills….

Yikes! All I meant was that I wanted a little time alone with him—something that seems to happen more and more rarely, now that he’s opted for accelerated graduation, doing all of his course work in three years instead of four, and his parents splitting up, and all, so that he has to have dinner every Friday night with either his mom or dad, so that each of them feels like they’re getting their fair share of Michael time.

And, being the supportive girlfriend that I am, I totally understand about his being there for his parents during this stressful time in their lives. Mr. Dr. Moscovitz doesn’t seem to really like his new rental apartment on the Upper West Side very much, even though he lives just a New York Times–throw from Michael’s dorm, and can drop by to visit him there anytime he wants (and frequently does so—thank God he has to buzz Michael’s room to be let up and can’t just come strolling in, or there might have been some awkward moments), and there are plenty of other psychotherapists in the neighborhood for him to hang out with.

And Lilly says life with her mother is practically unbearable, since Mrs. Dr. Moscovitz has put them both on low-carb diets, and banished bagels from the breakfast table entirely, and meets with her trainer, like, four times a week.

But what about MY share of Michael time? I mean, I am the girlfriend. Even if I am still not prepared to go as far as he might want to go, making-out-wise.

Which is actually a good thing, considering what Mr. Dr. Moscovitz could have walked in on, that one time.

FTLOUIE: I didn’t mean that literally! I meant maybe we could have a nice dinner, just you and me.

SKINNERBX: Oh. Sure. But you can have that anytime. I mean, what do you REALLY want?

What DO I really want? World peace, of course. An end to emissions of the greenhouse gases that are causing global warming. For the Drs. Moscovitz to get back together, so I can see my boyfriend on Friday nights again. To not be a princess anymore. To have things go back to the way they used to be, when things were simpler…like that time we all went ice-skating at Rockefeller Center, and I bit my tongue—only without the tongue-biting part.

And the part where Michael was there with Judith Gershner and I was there with Kenny Showalter.

But you know. Aside from that.

But none of these things is something Michael can actually get me. He has no control over world peace, global warming, his parents, or the fact that they close the skating rink at Rockefeller Center on April 1, so I’ve never been able to go ice-skating on my birthday.