‘I’d like to go home now, please,’ I say. It’s odd. No matter how angry I am, I’m always polite and I never raise my voice. Mulder and Scully probably have no idea how, if this were a video game and I had, say, a giant laser bazooka, I would line them both up against the wall and make them grovel apologetically for putting me through all this when it wasn’t necessary. Then I’d blow a hole in the ceiling of the kebab shop, just for laughs. As long as no one was upstairs, of course. I’m not a sociopath.

But I don’t have a bazooka of any description. I have a bag full of romance novels and post-surgical bras needing alteration. And I am trying very hard not to cry again.

‘I will take you, Charlie. That’s why I came, to extract you safely. Not to talk to these pigs.’

Sigh. ‘They’re not police, Antonio. They work in tech crime. I’ve been helping them, and maybe you should, too. For Mel’s sake.’

Antonio is so handsome that even when he’s in a terrible state – like now – he’s still quite edible.

Donato says, ‘If you have nothing to hide, then there’s no harm in talking to us. We can deal with this very quickly—’

‘Talk to your friends the pigs! They asked me a thousand offensive questions—’

‘Pardon me, Doctor Pelka,’ Sergio adds, looking pained. ‘You are good customer and I don’t want no trouble but this fighting is not part of our understanding. I think you better go.’

There ensues a lot of back and forth with Donato issuing re-assurances that don’t sound particularly convincing and Antonio working himself up into a froth. I’m feeling sleepy again. I need to go home.

‘Do you think the police will want more from me?’ I murmur to Roman. After all, they kept Antonio all night. The boyfriend is always the prime suspect, but if people start to connect the dots about my past relationship with Antonio, they might think that he and I did it together. It does look kind of dodgy, even if neither of us was in physical contact with Mel at the time. He hasn’t done either of us any favours by grabbing my arse just now, of course.

‘They may do,’ he says. ‘Don and I are going to want more from you, anyway. We’ll be asked to make a report. Anytime AR is involved in an incident, the Met call us.’

I must have made some sort of involuntary sound or twitch, because he hastily adds, ‘Not that I’m saying you had anything to do with this! Only that a full workup needs to be done.’

‘So you guys are really, really legit, seriously?’

‘’Course!’

‘The kebab shop is just . . . what, where you like to hang? I mean, do you always interview people here?’