But I already know. It’s so obvious, I should have known. The reals spilling out of his wallet. I sit up, feebly trying to get my scarf back on before he can see what’s become of my hair. It’s the only thing I’m still wearing. Ish.

‘When do you leave? Today?’

‘In an hour I must get the train to Heathrow. I’ll fly to Toronto tonight for to the funeral, and then back home. I want to see my family.’

‘An hour.’ I look around at his bare futon. It’s soaking wet, and now I understand why the room looks so empty. Duh.

‘Don’t be upset, dear Charlie—’ he begins.

But I’m not upset. I’m relieved.

‘Not much time,’ I tell him. ‘Let’s get in the shower. I’ll give you a farewell blow job if you reckon you’re up to it.’

‘I am up to it, and more, for I have another condom,’ he tells me solemnly. ‘For strict emergencies, you understand.’

* * *

Mel’s body is being flown back to Toronto, which is the ostensible reason why Antonio has to leave now. I ride the train to the airport with him. He hasn’t shaved, and in full daylight I notice little flecks of grey in his beard. I never asked how old he was; he looks about twenty-eight but maybe he’s older than that. It’s like sitting next to a movie star. Everyone else on the train is flat and dull, but even with his face shadowed by his hoodie, Antonio is a work of art. He has draped a companionable arm around my shoulders and I lean into his warmth. I want him to have nothing to do with Mel’s death. Obviously. Because if he somehow orchestrated it, then I’m complicit.

I should not be snuggling with him. I am a very bad person.

‘She used to skateboard,’ he tells me. ‘When she was a kid. She had to give it up. Too much risk of injury. I saw a video of her once, she was maybe ten? She was flying, those arms spread out, and the way she floated her weight over the board. She was a person who did everything well, or not at all.’

‘How did you meet her?’ I do not want to know this. Why am I asking this? Why can’t people leave me out of things?

‘She was a Pilates client at the studio. You know Assan? She worked with him, and we just got to know each other.’

Then he bursts into tears. Oh, god. This is the Tube. Doesn’t he understand there’s a national rule against breaking down on the Tube?

‘I can’t look at her mother, Charlie. So composed. Such dignity. And I am breaking to the pieces. I have no right to break to so many pieces.’