“I am the perfect balance of ratchetness and righteous anger.” Anitra followed her in and plopped down on a large rock next to them.

“I know you are. We all are. Now that we have taken care of our own, we need to find those responsible.”

“We start with what we do best. Infiltrate and disrupt.” Epyc Ro allowed Fela’s elekes to fall from her fingers into a pile. She shoveled in a mouthful of food. Slowly, her jaws stopped chewing, fearing that any further movement of her mouth would cause her to taste more of whatever assaulted her tongue. It tasted like bare feet that had run through a field and then danced in manure for good measure.

“Yeah, it’ll make your breath smell like six months of bad decisions, raw ass, and garlic,” Robin said, “but it’s all we got.”

Epyc Ro stabbed at her food with listless enthusiasm. She had the distinct feeling that a moment had passed. That same longing for the good old days, which could never be recaptured. She had achieved a measure of peace with the idea that she’d never get to lead her HOVA Hellfighters unit. Not the way she wanted. She replayed the events in her mind since planetfall. Her challenge of Fela’s presence. The ambush. The Mzisoh. The Lei’den. The firefight. The Hughes. Fela’s capture. Their failed rescue. Fela’s body. She searched for any lesson to help in a future skirmish.

“It’s not your fault.” Robin rested a heavy hand on her shoulder.

“I don’t think you’re in a position to understand or judge what I’m feeling!” Epyc Ro snapped. Lowering her head, she added, “I’m not entirely sure either.”

The last few days were a crucible, refining a process she was already on. All the people she knew, grew up with, and cared about were on the other side of the Orun Gate. All that remained of the family she chose were the three women in the room. Those relationships were life for her, but they were changing. She was changing. The woman they knew, she was sloughing off, an unwanted skin in search of something new. She didn’t know who she’d be at the end of her journey, only that she had to let go of their expectations and be open to who she’d become. And part of her was terrified at the prospect.

“Well, if you don’t mind company, I don’t mind walking alongside you while you figure things out.” Robin sat down next to her. “It’s all over your emi. The blame. The guilt.”

“We failed. I failed. Our mission, our community…” Epyc Ro’s voice spiraled into something dispirited.

“Don’t do this to yourself, Ro. We can’t afford to lose you, too.”