She always knew where to stick her thumb to apply pressure to a wound, even if it was only in our thoughts. “We were taking a moment to think about our next steps. To see what there was for us.”

“You have a responsibility. You’re not a boy anymore, Wachiru. You’re an Adisa. That means it is your duty to act for the Adisa family now that he’s gone.”

“Our duty remains our decision. We choose if and how to lead.”

“Exactly. You speak in terms of we. Now unless that’s just some affect for the sake of your ‘CAP,’ it means you live, think, and breathe in terms of community. Which means now’s the time that you have to step into your role as a leader. Especially if you pay attention to the rumors.”

“We don’t indulge rumors.” Our long fingers carved notes on the air, scoring a symphony only our heart knew.

“Well, some whispers you ought to least be aware of.” Jaha rested a hand on our shoulder. “Like the ones about the Night Train infiltrating our spaces. With all of the perceived uncertainty, now is the time when we’d be the most vulnerable.”

“Yeah, yeah. ‘Not all skinfolk are kinfolk,’ as the prophet used to say. Muungano’s ever present, yet never seen boogeymen.” Drawing away from her touch, we rolled our eyes. Whenever things went wrong or didn’t go perfectly our way, folks blamed agents of the Night Train. LISC-sponsored infiltrators. “Those are conspiracy theories. We don’t have Night Train here. We may have members we haven’t fully brought along yet, but that’s…”

“… a particularly hopeful read on the situation,” Jaha huffed.

“You already know Maulana would shrug such whispers off as a deliberate misinformation campaign. These are rumors meant to reach our ears and sow dissent. Doing the same damage to community as if Night Train agents were real and operating.”

“Let’s hope if such members are here, they do no damage before they are … fully actualized. In the meantime, people are talking about it. More so since your father’s death. Folks are suspicious, and they want us to be vigilant.”

“There’s vigilance and there’s hypervigilance. And paranoia.”

“Just because we’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get us,” Jaha said. “We have no stomach for cosmetic battles. We move the work forward.”

Pausing midrant, Jaha almost slumped where she stood, the full measure of her years suddenly overtaking her.

We rushed to her side. “What is it?”

“Sometimes I wonder who I am separate from Muungano. It’s all I’ve known for so long. I look into your face, baby, and I know you don’t feel the weight of Muungano in your bones. Not like I do. I’m tired, too.”

We opened our mouth to protest, but she waved us off.