“What?” Ash asks.

“He took me out for a drink. We haven’t hung out again, but he’s definitely texted me since. Like, ‘Hey, how are you?’ That kind of thing. Not super flirty but not not flirty. I’m sorry. I had no idea you two were together.”

Their eyes are on me. There’s a sensation in my chest, like a harsh wind, like a cold front, like a light being snuffed out. A freezing. A calcification. Then nothing at all.

“I think those guys are coming over,” I say. I turn to Mia. “How’s my hair?”

“Please,” she says. “You’re the hottest bitch I’ve ever seen.”

Ash slips her hand around my waist. “Rory. Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I ask, unleashing a cool grin.

When I turn around, the men are standing in front of us. They introduce themselves, but as far as I’m concerned, they’re all named Kevin. They look like a bunch of Kevins.

One of the Kevins is attractive. He’s a little taller than me. He’s got a strong jaw, movie-star teeth. Some dark scruff. Curly hair.

“You said your name is Laurie?” he asks, leaning close to me.

“Rory,” I say. “Rory.”

“Rory?”

“Do you need me to spell it?”

“Could you?”

His breath smells of cigarettes.

“Do you smoke?” I ask.

“I do.”

“May I please borrow a cigarette?”

“Borrow?”

“I’ll give it back,” I say. I raise three fingers. “Scout’s honor.”

“Girl Scout?”

“Oh, yes. I earned lots of badges.”

“Did you?”

“Mm,” I say. “I have many skills.”

“Then okay,” he says. “I’ll meet you out back. They’re in my jacket.”

Mia is already mid-make-out with one of the Kevins. The other two fuss over Ashley. From what I can tell, she likes the attention. She knows she’s beautiful, but she’s like everyone. She enjoys the validation.

She and Seth are solid, but she did admit to me once that his compliments don’t really mean anything anymore.

“He thinks I’m sexy because he loves me,” she said. “He’s attracted to me because he’s in love with me. Almost like he has to be. You know what I mean?”

I didn’t. I don’t. Because I don’t think anyone has ever been in love with me. It’s only ever been attraction. That’s fine. It’s fine.

I catch Ash’s eye and signal to her that I’m going out for a cigarette.

Be right back, I mouth. She returns a worried stare that I pretend not to notice.

I zip up my jacket and step out the back door onto the patio. There are some picnic tables with ashtrays, white string lights overhead.

I sit on top of one of the picnic tables and put my feet on the bench.

Kevin comes out a second later. He hands me a cigarette. He smokes Parliaments. Ian smokes Marlboros.

I know what pain is. I know how to feel it, and I know how not to feel it.

“As a Girl Scout, you should know,” Kevin says, “that smoking is bad for you.”