“I don’t care,” said Seth. “I would have done it. I would have sold my soul for you. You and me . . . I told you. Something’s always going to keep us near each other . . . even if we aren’t together.”

I rose from my chair and sat on his lap, wrapping my arms around him and wondering how it was possible that my heart was both swelling and breaking at the same time. I leaned my head against his shoulder.

“I love you,” I said softly. “And I forgive you.” Something weird about those words made me shiver, as though I’d never said them to anyone. “And I understand now why you did what you did.” I didn’t elaborate on the “what.” I didn’t need to.

Seth kissed my cheek. “Do you ever feel like . . . we’re reliving this moment over and over?”

I thought about our troubled past. “If we are, I don’t want to worry about it. Not right now.”

I think he was going to say more, possibly even correct me, but I didn’t give him a chance. I kissed him, and like every other time, it was sweet and powerful and the most right thing in the world. We wrapped ourselves together, and somehow, despite the cold weather, we got enough clothes off and made love with the wind whipping our hair and the stars shining down on us. And like that first time, I still had that sense that we weren’t close enough. Even when our bodies joined and he moved in me, it still felt like I could never, ever be close enough to him. Maybe it was this mystical connection he kept talking about. Or maybe it was just a metaphor for our lot in life.

We sat together for a long time afterward, draped in blankets and saying little. I wanted to stay there all night. Forever, even. In this affair, it was the one thing we hadn’t done: spend the night together after sex. We always had to part and go on to the rest of our lives.

He finally dropped me off at my car, and we kissed for a long time before I could finally extricate myself. Seth ran his hand along my cheek and hair, reluctant to let me go. I shared the sentiment.

“What will you do now?” he asked.

“I don’t know. One more search tomorrow, I guess. If there’s even time. I expect Ephraim to name somebody any minute now.”

Seth nodded, eyes dark and thoughtful. “Well, if you need company again . . .”

I smiled, unsure if that was a smart idea or not, but it wasn’t a decision I wanted to make tonight. I didn’t know if I wanted the balcony to be our last moment together in this fling or if I wanted to cling to another few precious seconds, even on the beach.