That didn’t mean she blamed herself or thought she had deserved what happened to her... but she still struggled with not feeling like she wasn’t partially to blame. Felt like she probably should have seen it coming, or at least realized it was possible. Felt like she should have expected everything to go wrong, because she’d already known...

“Ellie?” Dr. Amy’s voice had turned coaxing.

“Once he finds out who... he might.” Ellie’s voice was a whisper, not by design, but because her chest was so tight she could barely get the words out. It felt like she didn’t have any air.

“Because Michael knew him?”

“Yes.” Because Michael had been her defender against him once.

Lawrence hadn’t been the worst, Ryan had definitely taken that title, but he hadn’t been great either. She’d been shocked when he’d approached her the year after Michael left, apparently contrite over his behavior the year before and interested in talking to her. It had taken him several months of conversations, notes, and eventually car rides to and from school before she began to trust him. Even then, she hadn’t really believed it until Ryan had started teasing her again and Lawrence had immediately shut him down, his arm slung protectively around her shoulder as he pushed his body slightly in front of hers, glaring at his friend until Ryan apologized.

After that, Ryan hadn’t bothered her again.

When she thought about it that way and she looked back, she still couldn’t believe it had really been Lawrence who had raped her. Meg had certainly had trouble believing it, because she’d been there watching Lawrence slowly coaxing Ellie into a relationship; she’d supported it. But when Ellie thought about the year before and how Lawrence had helped Ryan harass her... well, her mother’s words would run through her head again and she’d wonder how she could have been so stupid.

She’d had no idea what to say to Lawrence, so she’d stayed home “sick” from school for several days. That’s when Meg had come over, realizing something was wrong, and Ellie had told her everything. Meg’s doubts had only made her want to hide even more.

Then Lawrence was in an accident.

Drunk driving.

Wrapped his car around a pole.

Paralyzed from the neck down.

High school football player’s life turned tragic.