“A few.” At least, they could. “That just makes sense though, since we see each other outside of the club anyway. Because of our friends.”

“This is sounding an awful lot like a real relationship already,” Dr. Amy said gently, uncrossing her legs as she leaned forward to rest her elbows on her knees. Her expression was compassionate. “So what are you really scared of?”

Ellie took a deep breath and let it out on an almost sigh. This was what she knew she needed to talk to Dr. Amy about. Something she hadn’t realized until last night. Why she just couldn’t let go and tell Michael everything.

“I’m scared once I tell him, he’ll reject me. Or blame me. Or judge me. Any of those would be too much for me to deal with.” She scrubbed her hands on her bare legs. It wasn’t too cold in the office, but her skin still felt cooler the longer her appointment ran.

“That’s a normal fear,” Dr. Amy said, her voice still gentle. “But you told your friends last night, and they didn’t react the way you expected.”

No... they hadn’t. They’d been amazing, actually. Although, Ellie had already thought they’d be more understanding than people in her past. In high school she hadn’t told anyone but her best friend at the time, Meg, and Meg had immediately gone into a barrage of questions. Why had Ellie told him maybe? Why had she gotten drunk? Why hadn’t she fought him off? - as if Ellie could have easily fought off a man twice her size when they were both drunk. Why didn’t she scream? ... and then when the accident happened, Meg said she shouldn’t tell anyone else. Everyone was feeling sorry for him, it would look like she was just trying to rain down even more misery on him, bringing it up then wouldn’t help Ellie at all. Part of her had still wanted to though and she’d broken down and told her mom... who had agreed with Meg. After asking many of the same questions.

But at least neither of them had ever told anyone else. Ellie’s shame had remained a secret.

She’d told her Steve, her college boyfriend - she’d had to explain when she’d panicked the first time he’d tried to get to second base - but she hadn’t given him any details. All he’d known was she’d been raped in high school.