“What are you doing today, anyway? I thought maybe you’d be home. Although, I guess, with this suspension thing still going on, it’s hard to know what to do with yourself. I was thinking, maybe you should get started on another book. Maybe, I don’t know, maybe you have to see this as an opportunity, to get back to your novels. I mean, maybe the other ones didn’t take off, but lots of successful authors, their first few books, they don’t do that well, and then all of a sudden, they have a bestseller.”

“Sure,” I said. “I just thought I’d go out, get a coffee or something.”

Merker was giving me a hurry-up sign, but then, suddenly, he stopped, as though something had occurred to him. He was waving his hand at me, like he wanted to say something.

“Listen, honey, can you hang on a sec?” I said. I smothered the bottom half of the phone with a fist. “What?”

“This is the broad, on the fridge?” Merker asked.

“It’s my wife.”

“The one in the picture, with the nice rack?”

Was my wife’s honor worth protecting at a moment like this? Did I tell Merker to go fuck himself and run the risk of him pulling out his gun and shooting me through the head?

I thought about it, briefly, and told him, “Just give me a sec. I’m just about done.”

Sarah said, “Zack? Are you there?”

“No, no!” Merker said. “She can do it.”

“What?”

“We put the wig on her. She can do it.”

“You’re out of your mind,” I said, and unwrapped my hand from around the phone. “Sorry, honey. There was just someone going by.”

“Where are you?”

Merker was whispering. “How’s her handwriting?”

“Hang on, Sarah,” I said, again, and covered the phone again. “Shut up. It’s not happening. I’m not dragging her into this.”

He snatched the phone from me. “Hey!” I shouted.

Just as suddenly, Gary had the gun back in his hand—the real one—and was pointing it at me while he put the phone to his ear with his left hand.

I could hear Sarah say, “Zack? Zack?”

Merker said, “Hey, Mrs. Walker?”

“Zack? Who’s this?”

“This is Gary, Mrs. Walker. I’m a friend of your husband’s.”

“What happened to Zack? The phone went all funny.”

“Listen, we kind of need your help with something. Can I ask you a kind of personal question?”

“What?”

“How would you describe your breasts? I saw your picture, that one on the fridge where you’re wearing that gown? At your place? I know you can’t tell everything from a snapshot, but I’d say they’re pretty nice.”

“Put my husband on the phone.”