Dean: Can we talk?

We’ve seen each other every Friday night for the past few weeks.

Only, there hasn’t been much talking involved.

Me: Sure. I was thinking the same thing. Can I call you?

Dean: I’d rather talk in person.

Oh. Well, maybe talking is code for sex, after all.

Me: Okay.

Dean: I’ll be over soon

I run into the bathroom to freshen up, taking my hair down, brushing my teeth, and spritzing a few pumps of perfume onto my neck. The dogs alert me of his arrival fifteen minutes later, pawing at the door when he knocks.

“It’s open,” I call out, applying a touch of lip gloss before joining him at the front of the house. Dean is crouched down in the entryway, scratching Jude’s stomach like he always did with Blizzard. Penny is circling his leg, begging for attention that he quickly provides. I can’t help but smile at the image. “Hey.”

He glances up, his expression disguising whatever it is he may be thinking, then he rises to his feet. “Hey.”

Usually, this is the point where we pounce on each other, but since I actually do want to talk first, I’m not sure how to proceed—so, I just kind of stand there, awkwardly playing with my hair and tapping my bare foot against the wood floor.

Dean takes the lead, letting out a sigh as he approaches me. “Thanks for letting me stop by. There’s some stuff I wanted to discuss with you.”

“Me, too… I was actually going to text you about grabbing coffee this weekend. But this works.” Our eyes are holding tight, making me nervous. I gulp. “Um, have a seat.”

We make our way to the couch, Dean trailing behind me and sitting farther away from me than I’d prefer. All I want to do is jump into his arms and kiss him senseless. We lock eyes again, both of us out of our element. Neither of us fully prepared to face the fallout from last week. I lower my head and we both speak at the same time.

“So, I—”

“I wanted to—”

Dean clears his throat. “You go first.”

I gather up my courage and nod, twisting on the couch so I’m facing him, one leg pulled up in front of me. I curl my fingers around my ankle as my heart thumps wildly in my chest.

Just be honest. Tell him what you want. Don’t hold back.

“I, um, just wanted to say how sorry I am for dragging you down into my dark hole for the past few weeks. Hiding you in the shadows. Keeping you at a distance. Letting you in, then pulling away. It wasn’t fair because I know you wanted more… I’ve just been so ashamed, so confused, and I haven’t been handling it right.”

I watch as his eyes float over my face, his jaw tight, his eyebrows creased. He doesn’t say anything, so I keep going.

“I talked to Mandy today. She invited me out for ice cream—our traditional birthday cone at the park. We had a long talk, and I think it’s going to be okay.” I scoot closer to him on the couch, reaching for his hand. “I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but I’m hopeful Mandy will accept everything one day. She even said she was talking to this new guy and there’s a spark, and maybe someday we can both move on and—”