In the med bay, the scent was smothering. Sledge stood in the doorway, every muscle in his large body rigid and unmoving. His arms were crossed, his lips pressed so tight, Caledonia questioned whether he breathed at all. But he watched her, eyes trained on every movement.

“You don’t have to be here,” she offered. “I can do this on my own.”

Sledge only nodded and remained where he stood. A great, unhappy mountain.

The Silt was neatly packaged in crates and portioned for daily distribution. The bright orange pills were a beacon in their clear plastic sacks, piles of deadly seedlings ready to take root. There was enough here to supply the crew for a few months if need be, though not any longer. Aric kept the leash short.

Sledge wanted it gone, and Caledonia didn’t disagree, but she couldn’t simply dump it. Packaged as it was, it would float and wash up on the bay where anyone might find it. In order to destroy it properly, Caledonia would have to release each pill from the waterproof sacks. And Sledge, apparently, was going to watch her do it.

“It’s a good ship,” she said, continuing the tedious work. “Thank you.”

For a moment, Caledonia worried that Sledge was going to stand there, unable to converse for however long it took her to do this. Then he drew a shallow breath and answered, “If it’s going to get us through the Net, it needs to be better than ‘good.’”

She nodded, thoughtful. “The strength of any ship is in its crew. You all fight well.”

“Fighting isn’t a problem for us,” Sledge answered solemnly. “It’s what happens after that we struggle with.”

None of us comes back, Pine’s voice whispered.

The little pills slipped one by one through her fingers, leaving a powdery orange stain on her skin. It would wash away with little effort. It was what it did inside the body that left more than a stain. This simple pill had scoured the Blades from the inside, leaving enough of itself behind that it would always cry out for more.

It’s like a song, Hime had told her once. The most beautiful song you’ve ever known. So strong that the instant you hear those first notes, you’re singing along in your mind before you’ve even processed what’s happening.

She’d thought she understood what Hime meant. But after the events of last night, she was certain she’d underestimated the power of this drug once again.

“They kept fighting,” she said, directing her words to the pills at her feet. “Why did they keep fighting?”

She sensed Sledge’s frown in the pause before his next words. “It is never good to fail, but it’s worse to fail a second time. Returning after a defeat like this one? Well, they knew their options. They took the better of the two.”