I went to see the pancake counselor again and when he asked me how I felt, I said, I have found my soulmate he is Altemonte. We recognized each other. The counselor said, Don’t rush to big decisions, where did you learn the term soulmate? And I said, sometimes elves just look at each other and they just know that they will be side by side forever and there’s no denying it. It’s like what Mama L and Mama K are, I said, except it should make them fight less, but they fight anyway, and the Mean Aunt fights with them, too, whose soulmate is I don’t know Rudy I guess. The pancake counselor was like, Sounds like things were pretty hard at home, and I was like, I think the wolves have soulmates, too, but only with other wolves not with elves exactly. And also when you recognize someone their soul name comes into your mind, but you’re never supposed to say it out loud, and then the pancake counselor interrupted me and said, Would you like to see your mother? And I was like, Mama L or Mama K? and he said, Your mother. And I said, Mama K doesn’t want to see me. She told me to pack up and go. The pancake counselor said, You don’t have to worry about her. I want to know if you want to have a visit with your mother, Lily. And I couldn’t swallow and when you can’t swallow you can’t talk so I couldn’t talk. I was worried that the pancake counselor could see the Velvet Piglet under my clothes.

I mean, me and Altemonte were making a portal to the elf world which was a place for wolf councils and axe throwing, which was a place for flaming arrows where our brains would finally fit in. I didn’t want this pancake face to see me cry, which was against my training from Mama K. The pancake counselor said, You can tell me the truth. But I kept my mouth shut.

The truth is a story my women told me from when I was a baby: Where is Rudy? my women would ask, and I would point to Rudy. Where is Auntie Helen? they would ask, and I would point to the Mean Aunt. Where is Mama K? they would ask, and I would point to Mama K. Where is Mama L? they would ask, and I would just stare and stare. I couldn’t point her out. I couldn’t find her. I couldn’t find her because she was me.