Lay Kuan was the natural leader of the group—a little older than the others, she’d already finished school and was mostly involved with the student union in an advisory capacity. She was the one who’d spoken to the warden and got them allowed books, and had even negotiated for them to receive newspapers (always a day late, though, and with certain articles snipped out). When she could, Siew Li tried to get close to her, wanting to learn her poise and intelligence, which made Lina’s toughness seem hollow. Crucially, Lay Kuan got things done. So many ways to be a person, thought Siew Li. She felt unformed, as if she could be any shape at all.

Most of the time, though, she was alone, and that was when the air pressed down on her, when grey fog filled her mind and she couldn’t make herself do anything at all, not even sleep. The only thing that helped was if she looked at a picture in one of her books, preferably a landscape, and imagined herself amongst the trees and beneath the sky, staring until she could see herself there, walking calmly and steadily into the distance until she was out of view, leaving behind just the soft rustle of leaves and the gentle wind.

•

The first time Jason came to see her, she almost didn’t recognise him, and then thought she’d been in there so long that her mind had finally given way to hallucinations. It was a visitation, as if there were an aura around him, his school uniform glowing against the grey concrete floor and gunmetal chairs. He smiled when he saw her, and it was like an open window, cool, fresh air filling her lungs.

There hadn’t been many visitors. Her mum had come a couple of times, but just sat there crying, saying useless things over and over—why couldn’t you just stay out of trouble, why did you have to make such a fuss—until Siew Li grew embarrassed and told her not to bother, this wasn’t good for either of them. Now she just sent what she could, clothes and books from the titles Siew Li gave her. The leadership had all been taken, of course, and no one from lower down showed up for fear of guilt by association. She couldn’t blame them—who knew how many more arrests were planned, what lists had already been drawn up?

“Why did you come?” she asked, half-suspicious, and he said simply, “I kept thinking about you.” And even though, to be honest, she hadn’t thought about him all that much since being there, it felt good to know she meant something to a human being other than her mother. Here was Jason, head smooth with Vitalis hair oil, stolid and even a little boring, and he was exactly what she needed. He asked politely how she was, and she said she had nothing at all to report, just the four walls of her cell. So instead, he told her with great seriousness about his team’s preparations for the inter-school debate competition, and about some American film he’d seen, one she hadn’t even heard of. The world keeps spinning without me, she thought.