I sigh and knead a hand into the lumpy couch cushion. Will and I talked about these things before, only in the most general terms — enough to establish that I knew I might be interested in dating a girl someday and that neither of us cared if the other was gay, bi, pan, ace, or anything else. I never had to have a firm answer to the question of my sexuality, because people never interested me all that much. And until Kitty, no one was ever threatened by my friendship with Will.

“Maybe,” I finally say. “I don’t know.”

But how can I not know when something is so different about the way that Zoe makes me feel? When I get lost in Starworld with her, it’s like I’m wearing my ass on my face and my heart inside out. In Starworld, she has the power to make me feel a thousand feet tall with a single message. In the real world, she can cut me off at the knees by letting people know I exist.

“Well, it’s no big deal to me either way,” Will says. “I’ll only tell Kitty what you want me to.”

“Thanks,” I say. And his kind response makes me feel like I can tell him a little more. “The other thing is that my dad invited me to visit him in London.”

Will’s eyes widen. “I hope you said yes.”

“I haven’t answered him yet. I don’t know if I want to go.” It’s not the whole truth, but I don’t particularly want to explain why telling my mom about this invitation is virtually impossible. I’ve never told Will about her OCD.

“How can you not? You haven’t seen him in forever. Besides, it’s a free trip to London! You guys would have so much fun.”

I discard the idea before hope can rise. “My mom wouldn’t survive it,” I say.

Will ponders this as we take out another batch of fuzzballs in the video game.

“I guess Outdoor School was a bit of a disaster,” he says carefully.