“I think I should hold off a bit and make sure Sam’s okay,” I say. I am not ready to go down and be with my family. I can’t even think clearly. “You can give Jonah a piece if he can’t wait. I don’t mind.”

“What? Not before we sing to you! I can give him a granola bar or something if push comes to shove.” She kisses my head. “Take your time. When are you leaving for Erin’s?”

My stomach drops. I had almost forgotten: tonight’s the Jell-O shot sleepover. “I’m going with Cammie from the show, and then we’re going to Erin’s after,” I say.

“Okay.” She lays a hand on my cheek, just briefly, then stands up. “Come down when you’re ready.”

She closes the door behind her, and I curl up into a ball on the bed. I don’t want to think about what happened with Sam, but until I do, until I process it, I am sort of immobilized.

I hadn’t thought about the possibility of Sam being attracted to me. Most of the time it seemed like touching me at all was a struggle for her. And now suddenly she kisses me? How did I ever signal to her that I wanted her to do that? Did I do something that gave her the wrong idea?

My phone vibrates on my nightstand, making me jump about a mile. I grab it, hoping it’s Sam, but it’s just Syd. She’s sent a photo of red-pink Jell-O shots and a message that says: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ZO. WATERMELON JOLLY RANCHER JELL-O SHOT OMG YUMMMMMM. I CAN’T WAIT TILL TONIGHT.

I can. Enjoying myself at a party? It’s the last thing I can conceive of right now.

I wonder if I should reach out to Sam. When someone kisses someone who didn’t want to be kissed, what’s the protocol? Will she reach out and apologize? Should I reach out and say no hard feelings? Should I apologize?

I have no idea how to handle this.

If she had talked to me, or if she had somehow given me any clue of what she was feeling or thinking, then I could have stopped this before it was too late. But I never saw it coming.

I can hear my dad struggling downstairs with Jonah, who wants cake, and I know I should get down there. But my mind quickly goes to that drawing Sam made for Jonah. It’s so thoughtful, so detailed — it must have taken her such a long time to do. She didn’t even know Jonah; did she do it because of me? Because her feelings for me were not just those of a friend?