Even if I were sure I wanted to have sex with Hunter, I can’t imagine my parents’ reaction if I asked to go away overnight with my boyfriend to a rager at a house on Lake Oswego. Deep wrinkles would appear on my mom’s brow as she started asking questions: Who will be there? Will there be parent chaperones? Will there be drinking? What will the sleeping arrangements be? And all the honest answers would be the wrong answers, but that’s probably moot, because I’m pretty sure my dad would preempt all that with a quick HA-HA-HA NOPE. Whether I go to the party or not, ask my parents or not, sleep with Hunter or not, I am doomed to be a disappointment to someone. And I hate disappointing anyone.

I reach over to take the textbook. “We can talk about this stuff later, okay?”

“Promise?”

I nod.

“Okay. I’ll be quiet.” He mimes locking his lips and throwing away the key. But then he opens his mouth, which sort of defeats the whole lock thing, and says, “When we’re finished, you wanna go to Noodle Kingdom? Come on, you know you can’t resist Bangkok noodles with extra sriracha.”

My mouth waters at the thought. “I can’t.” I would kill for some spicy noodles, but I have to get home. It takes a lot to keep our household running smoothly these days, and my parents depend on me. And he should know this: if my time were still my own, I’d be at rehearsal right now instead of studying at the library. Giving up being in the plays and musicals was heartbreaking, but it’s more important to be the daughter my parents need me to be. Helping with set design at least lets me stay involved in theater, and it’s really the only thing I can do and still be home to help with the Jonah-getting-home-from-school/pre-dinner crush.

“Dinner duty or brother duty?” he asks.

“It’s all one thing,” I say, trying not to let my annoyance show. I know he’s just trying to be nice, trying to get close in the ways he thinks are correct. But where my brother is concerned, I don’t want anyone close. People always stare at him pityingly or even disgustedly. And I can’t bear it. It hurts me for Jonah and fills me with anger and resentment. That’s part of why I’d rather just keep people away from us: I’m not really comfortable with the part of me that wants to tell people off. I only know how to be nice.

It’s nearly five when I finish studying and we head for his car. It’s Thursday, which means my dad can be at home in time to intercept Jonah’s bus. This buys me a little free time after school.