The kind of startalk I love most of all. My heart lifts. Starworld is always a place I can find refuge. There she gives me a fairy tale to get lost in and quests we can undertake together. She gives me a reprieve from the silence left in Jonah’s wake . . . the ache of worrying about him . . . the agony of watching my parents’ hearts break . . .

I can even temporarily forget the pain of breaking up with Hunter, which is even worse than I thought it could be. There are reminders of him everywhere. The photo on my mirror. Two shirts of his that I have, neither of which I really want to give back. The star necklace he gave me for our one-year anniversary. The stuffed polar bear he won for me at a carnival game over the summer. So many things.

Me: *buckles up* *clings to you as we careen gloriously through countless light-years of space*

Sam: *swoops into the kingdom of King Lorderus Dipshittus in a rush of stardust* *hops down Humphrey’s spikes and jumps off*

Me: *bounces along after you*

Sam: *creeps through the palace* *follows a dust mote from sunbeam to sunbeam streaming through the high windows of the hall*

Me: *opens random doors in search of the king* *the FUCKING king*

Sam: *ducks through one into a secret passageway that leads through three interconnected rooms:

One with empty manacles chained to the floor, the walls stacked with canvases painted with unimaginable glory

One with stages at different elevations throughout and mirrors on every wall

One filled with enormous hanging cages where the sounds of the most perfect songs still echo*

Me: *listens for familiar melodies*

Sam: *stops in front of the largest and most gilded cage* *runs song through an intergalactic translation algorithm*

A long time ago I sang like a bird

Only for the king at his royal word

The rules of this kingdom mean a gift is a curse

Those left uncaged facing death or far worse

But when you were born, I knew you would sing

And I couldn’t let you be enslaved by the king

With a last tearful hug and kiss I set you free

In hopes that you would fare better than me.

With a heart crushed to pieces, I let you go

Though I loved you far more than you’d ever know

I gave you away first thing at dawn

And every song’s been for you from that sad day on.

The verse sparks a pain in my chest that sears like fire. I reread the poem, and then reread it again, my eyes welling with tears. It clutches hard at something in me, something raw and crucial.

It’s the story of a relinquishment, and it echoes deeply in me, all the way to the marrow.

And then I realize what this is.

It’s a counter theory to my Theory of Original Defectiveness.