Sam: *is glad you like the drawing* *is glad to be of help last night* *is basically a clusterfuck of gladness*

Me: THERE YOU ARE. *leans* Great timing! Ugh, I’m having a hard day.

Sam: *apologizes for absence due to gaming appointment* *sends the Fairy Godbot to deliver a caramel latte* *demands coordinates for parties responsible for said hard day* *loads the Super Soakers with cat urine* *readies the army of dingo bats*

And just like that, she has me laughing.

Ha, I write. There’s no one to avenge, really. It’s me. I’m an asshole, basically.

Sam: *disagrees but admires language*

Me: RESCUE ME. *whistles for Humphrey* I need the way she lets me escape, the way she takes me to places that are amazing and magical and worry-free.

Sam: *pauses in castle workshop to fit Humphrey with a nitro engine, adjusts carburetor, launches us at the speed of a comet*

She keeps going, rapid-fire, filling my phone with unfathomable, fantastical beauty:

*lands Humphrey on Planet XB-Z57 in a secret forest where the soft rush of an ocean is barely audible*

*leads you carefully through trees with frond-like leaves glistening with sentient drops of water that giggle and rush into crevices as we approach*

*points to the prismatic crystals hanging from branches as we emerge into soft sunlight that warms a beach of white sand laced with reflected rainbows*

*kicks up soft sand and scatters rainbows everywhere*

*dashes into the turquoise water and whispers to the waves until two water-horses rise from the sea*

*leaps aboard one and gestures for you to get on the other*

*races you under the three moons hanging on the horizon beyond the ocean*

*lands on an island in front of a worn wooden mailbox*

*pulls a letter from the box and points to script above the black wax seal that says “Her Royal Highness Queen Zoe of Starworld”*

Sam finally pauses in her rapid-fire messaging, so I snap out of my dazed wonder and type: *regards curiously*

Sam: *reads from the missive*

If you seek the story of me, you must find objects three:

1. The key to a kingdom with rules beyond measure

2. The dungeon which housed the king’s greatest pleasure

3. And last, but not least, Starworld’s most perfect treasure.

My eyes widen. What’s this? A riddle? What’s she doing?

Me: *is intrigued* Who is “me”? Where are these treasures hidden? *peeks under tablecloths* MUST FIND OBJECTS.

Sam: *points to a sparkling trail across the island that leads back into the sky*

Me: *follows the glittery path* *whistles for Humphrey* *climbs on and pulls you onboard*

Sam: *steers him into the wilds of the universe*

She leads me on an adventure through multiple galaxies, in search of the key to a mystery only she knows, diverting me so completely that I barely look up until dinner.