At least until I hear Ernie’s voice. Oh my god. Why would you bring the clumsiest person on earth to rescue someone from a cliff?

Well, you bring him because it turns out that he is a Cheng: which is to say, he hikes, and he has these ropes and spikes and little metal cinchy bits I have never before appreciated. Ernie disappears from view long enough to attach the rope to a tree away from the lip of the cliff and then dangle it over, telling me to clip the lead to my belt and, um, maybe wrap it around my torso, too. He and Ma Elena start reeling the rope in with an arm-over-arm sailor move. (Now that I can see those spray bangs, bigger than ever, she’s back to not being Mom.) Ernie commands me to grab onto every cranny I can find in the rock wall with my hands and my toes for balance.

There’s an awful moment when my feet have left the ledge and fingers have just found the top of the cliff where it’s clear to me that it’s all or nothing now: if my belt breaks or the rope comes loose, I will fall backward and into the deep. I’m shaking so hard my teeth are knocking.

But then I am over, heaving on the ground, tears streaming down my face, and weirdly giddy. I laugh, a truly insane laugh that echoes through the trees, a song the owl and the frogs have never heard. Ma Elena rubs my back, telling me it’s okay. After Chaz reached Ernie and Ernie found her, she sent Chaz to Ms. Silverthorn, who was now calling the police.

My first thought is sweet, and my second thought is crap. Yes, people who commit a hate crime (does such a thing exist yet?) deserve to face the police, but if my dad goes to jail, I really have done it: I’ve pretty much ended any chance of my own future life. I try to focus on the incontrovertible fact that I do exist, right here, right now. (Can I just say how much I’d like a day to not worry about my existence?)

When we emerge from the woods, a lone cruiser is just pulling up. Two officers, one who looks as if puberty has just begun, step out and greet us. “Are you all right, kid?” the older one says, and I start laughing again.

“Define all right, sis.” The shocked look on everyone’s faces! But for a moment, I feel like myself.