“I mean, it’s been clear, kinda for days, that you wanted to, but then … that didn’t feel like a real kiss.”

Is he insulting my technique? “How would you know?”

“What does that mean?”

“Be honest: that was your first kiss!”

“You don’t know what I do or don’t do.” Chaz looks about a half-second away from stabbing me with his boutonniere pin.

“You were playing straight till, what, yesterday? You might not like my style, but how much do you have to compare it to?”

He shakes his head as if he can’t believe what he’s hearing. “I wasn’t criticizing your technique … I was just surprised that you weren’t into it.” He sees I’m about to interrupt. “And I could tell because I wasn’t either.”

His voice leaves no room for doubt.

“You weren’t?”

“Okay, I admit it. I haven’t kissed a boy before. And I was hoping to have my first kiss—a real kiss, thank you—tonight. Just not with you. That’s why I broke up with Tawny!”

A change comes over him, a shy pride. His eyes take on something new—not a twinkle, but a gleam.

Knock me over with a feather. Who, what, where—I haven’t a clue.

“I’ve been spending a lot of time with him,” he says as if I should know who he means. “And he told me he’s like you and me.” He whispers though we’re all alone.

“He who?”

And then. Oh my god. No. Does he mean …

“Ernie.” He says Ernie’s name how I say Cheng’s, that note of belonging, that delight in someone being yours.

It’s absurd and amazing and hilarious and wonderful and perfect. I’ve always said there’s no accounting for chemistry; you just know. I have my Cheng. Chaz has his Ernie.

I start laughing. It’s not at all a mean laugh; there’s so much relief and honest joy in it that Chaz joins in. That’s what I get for assuming. “I’m happy for you. I really, really am. I thought you were alone …”

“I kinda was before you came. But you told me about your life, and I thought I want a life, too. And this week showed me an Ernie I never knew, so …”

My being here really is a twofer: Chaz lives, and Ernie will be happier than ever (well, after I send Chaz back to the dorm to get him). Mission accomplished.

Who knows where that leaves me? Right now, all I know is that I feel pretty good.

The sun is nearly down, yet we’re still both glowing.

Over the Edge

Over the Edge

The first rock hits me square in the side of my smiling face, and I’m so shocked, I don’t even process that I’m falling down the bleachers.