She takes me down the path we always used to go, down the path where I spent more and more time with her as I got older, knowing I was going to leave her eventually. What I wasn’t intending was to go away for so long. My head is not even paying attention to where she is going until I hear the creek. She walks alongside the creek where I used to meet Jacob. I make Lady stop at the tree and get off, then lead her over to the creek so she can drink for a bit. I walk to the tree where he carved our names into the trunk. I expect to see our names still there except they’re not there. There is nothing. It’s like someone cut it out of the tree. My hand comes up and traces the smooth wood. I look at the tree next to it, thinking I might have gotten the wrong tree, but it’s not there either. I look around in the darkness, thinking I came to the wrong spot, but then I spot the rock he made Beau carry up here. The big boulder where we would sit while we spoke about the future. I walk over to it, and the memory of us sitting on that rock comes rushing forward. He’d sit behind me, and I’d press my head back on his shoulder, looking up at him. My hand on his cheek, my heart so full.

“Do you love me?” I used to ask him every single time.

“My heart doesn’t beat without you.” He used to say each time.

It knocks me to my knees, and my wails and sobs echo in the quiet night. My hand goes to my chest, the pain as intense as if it was yesterday. I sit with my back to the stone, trying to make sense of everything. When did it go wrong? How did it go wrong? How did I not see it? How did I not feel it? How? How?

Lady grazes near me, and when the sun starts to come up, I finally get up and walk over to her. My body feels beaten, but I get on Lady and we make our way back home. This time, I go as slow or as fast as she wants. When I approach the barn, the door opens, and I see Casey coming out with a cup of coffee in his hand. He’s already dressed in jeans, his boots, and this time, a shirt. “I was about to send out a search party,” he says, and his eyes meet mine.

“Just going down memory lane,” I say, getting off Lady and handing him the reins. “There is a rock I want moved.”

“Is it by the tree that Jacob tried to cut down?” he asks, and my head snaps back.