His stomach lurched. He lay down and propped himself on his elbow. He was going to talk about Pulp Fiction, how cool John Travolta was, when she leaned in and kissed him. OK, then. Time to put on a show. He kissed her back. One, two, three, four, roll your tongue, Jeremy, five, six, seven, pull it out, eight, nine, ten, kiss her lips, eleven, twelve. OK, that’s her tongue again. Just go with it. Next step, it’s bra time. He lifted her top at the back and wrestled to undo her bra strap. He heard a snap, then rubbed her back for a minute or two while he steeled himself. Then he gingerly moved his hands to her front where he felt her warm breasts. They were doughy, clammy and a little damp. Push through, just push through … Play with the right, then the left, tickle and massage and hold and …

Deirdre stopped kissing him and pulled away a little, Jeremy still cupping her breasts. She was trying to look him in the eye but he found it hard to face her. It was all a bit awkward.

‘Is everything all right?’ she asked.

‘It’s fine.’

‘Well, you’re kneading me tits as though you’re about to bake bread, and did you know you were humming when you kissed me?’

‘Sorry. I’ll stop.’

‘Just relax.’ It was clear that Deirdre had way more experience than Jeremy. She had spent every summer since she was eight down the country with her cousins on a farm so she was bound to. Country girls were horny as, everyone knew that.

Jeremy fought his embarrassment. ‘Sorry, Dee, I’m just …’

‘You’re great!’ Suddenly she was flustered and looked as if she was about to cry. Jeremy didn’t know what to do so he kissed her with every bit of passion he had in him, like Butch kissed Fabienne in Pulp Fiction. Be a man, Jeremy, be Butch … It seemed to work.

She kissed him again, then lifted up her top, and Jeremy wasn’t quite sure what was happening until their lips parted and he felt light pressure on his head. She wants me to lick her tits. Ah no, ah no, ah no … and now I’m licking tits. Don’t gag – do not gag. Calm down, relax. This is fine, it’s no big deal. Her hands moved to his trousers and he felt his zip opening. He was really regretting the wank he’d had earlier – at least if he’d arrived with a full load he’d have some hope.

She stopped and pulled her top down. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing.’

‘You’re really stressing.’

‘Don’t know what you’re talking about.’ He tried his best to sound relaxed.

‘I tried to open your jeans and you slapped my hand back.’

Jeremy feel his face redden. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I took a kick to the balls at soccer practice.’