They only really talked about Rave’s predicament once. Rave appeared before Jeremy had fallen asleep. He’d been up and studying for a Christmas history test and his head was too much a muddle of history facts and Deirdre’s words to sleep. He tried to focus on history but Deirdre kept pushing herself into his mind. Something she’d said ate away at him. She’d said it the night he’d confronted Rave’s da. He’d been berating himself for giving Sid the money.

‘I’m a thick.’

‘You’re not.’

‘Please, please, never tell Rave.’

‘It’s between you and me, Beany.’

‘Thanks.’

She had kissed him on the mouth, a quick kiss, not one of those slimy, soft ones that dragged on. She drew away and smiled at him so he pulled her close and hugged her tight. I do love you, Deirdre.

‘You’re not like other boys,’ she’d whispered into his ear.

She’d meant it as a compliment but he’d felt sick. He’d been reliving those five words ever since. You’re not like other boys. Does she suspect anything? If she does I’ll lose everyone. I’ll be alone. Dave had told them a story months before about two poofters who were caught kissing by a gang of lads down some back alley and they’d run for it. One had got away but the other wasn’t fast enough. Dave made a joke about the bloke wishing he’d worn a pair of runners instead of his ma’s high heels. The others had laughed, even Rave, but Jeremy didn’t find it funny. The men had beaten and kicked the man, called him names and told him he’d come from Hell. They’d decided that it was their job to send him back to where he’d come from. They had tied his feet to the back of their truck and dragged him for miles.

Jeremy had felt paralysed by that story while his best friends had laughed, then moved on to fighting talk about football. I don’t understand. They tore him apart. He’d had nightmares about it since, and when he was stressed it invaded his waking thoughts. How painful was it? How long did it take him to die? What were his last thoughts? Did he beg? Who did he think about? Was it just too violent for words or thought? It took a while for Jeremy to forgive the lads for laughing that night, especially Rave, but, then, they didn’t understand and they never would.

That night, Jeremy sat up when Rave hauled himself through the window.

‘Oh, sorry, do you want me to go?’ He seemed surprised that Jeremy was still awake, as though he’d been waiting for him to fall asleep.

‘No! Are ya mad? Course not.’