Okay, next question: the person she’d ideally like to meet. Her mind went completely blank as she tried to think. When she’d first considered the possibility of another relationship, she’d really only imagined someone sitting beside her, companionably watching telly with her (and not talking through all the dramatic bits). Someone who might say, ‘Fancy a cup of tea, love?’ every now and then or ‘Why don’t we try that new restaurant that’s opened in town?’ or ‘Let’s go for a rummage around the antiques market together’. Maybe this ideal person of hers could mow the lawn for her too, once in a while, sort the kitchen drain out. But she could hardly put that down on a dating site, could she? It wasn’t exactly the most romantic line in the world. And just imagine the conversations that might follow!

‘So, what attracted you to Alison in the first place?’

‘Oh, it was the fact she was looking for a fella to fix her plumbing for her and put the kettle on. She sounded like my dream woman. How could anyone resist?’

Dear Lord, she’d have to come back to that later, she decided. Maybe once she’d had another gin and felt more inspired. Now then, next:

Describe yourself in a few sentences. What are the best things about you?

The best things about her? Help. She was good at cutting hair . . . She had an encyclopaedic knowledge of every soap opera going . . . She . . . Oh, this was useless. Surely it wasn’t supposed to be so hard to dredge up a few positive things about yourself?

Wait – she’d missed a bit, in brackets below the last question:

If you’re not sure what to say here, ask a friend or loved one to list what’s great about you. Don’t be modest!

Alison felt her shoulders slump. She could ask Robyn, she supposed, but her daughter would seize upon the news that her stubbornly unsociable mother was daring to dip a toe in the dating pool (‘Finally!’ she imagined Robyn crying) and would never let her hear the end of it. Any replies? she’d ask, giggling like it was a big joke. Any dates? Let’s have a look at what’s on offer – ooh, he’s nice. What about him?