There was a further clamour of questions from the assembled journalists as I carefully tried to figure out the repercussions of this new piece of intelligence. Dad had said that a Superhoop win for Swindon would avert an armageddon and, if what Zvlkx was saying came true, a triumph on Saturday would do precisely this. The question was, how? There was no connection as far as I could see. I was still trying to think how a croquet final could unseat a near-dictator and destroy one of the most powerful multinationals on the planet when Lord Volescamper intervened and silenced the noisy crowd of newsmen with a wave of his hand.

'Mr Next, thank the gracious saint for his words. There is time enough to muse on his Revealment but right now I would like him to meet members of the Swindon Chamber of Commerce, which, I might add, is sponsored by St Biddulph's® Hundreds and Thousands, the cake decoration of choice. After that we might take some tea and carrot cake. Would he be agreeable to that?'

Joffy translated every word and Zvlkx smiled happily.

'Look here, St Zvlkx,' said Volescamper as they walked towards the marquee for tea and scones, 'what was the thirteenth century like?'

'The mayor wants to know what the thirteenth century was like – and no lip, sunshine.'

'Filthy, damp, disease-ridden and pestilential.'

'He said it was like London, Your Grace.'

St Zvlkx looked at the weathered arch, the only visible evidence of his once great cathedral, and asked:

'What happened to my cathedral?'

'Burned durring the dissolution of the monasteries.'

'Got damn,' he muttered, eyebrows raised, 'should have seen that coming.'

'Duis aute dolor in fugiat nulla pariatur,' murmured Friday, pointing at St Zvlkx's retreating form, rapidly vanishing in a crowd of well-wishers and newsmen.

'I have no idea, sweetheart – but I've a feeling things are just beginning to get interesting.'

'Well,' said Lydia to the camera, 'a Revealment that could spell potential disaster for the Goliath Corporation and—'

Her producer was gesticulating wildly for her not to connect 'tyrant' with 'Kaine' live on air.

'—an as yet unnamed tyrant. This is Lydia Startright, bringing you a miraculous event live for Toad News. And now, a word from our sponsors, Goliath Pharmaceuticals, the makers of Haerrmarelief.'

12
Spike and Cindy

15. Meeting the CEO

'Operative Spike Stoker was with SO-17, the Vampire and Werewolf disposal operation, undeniably the most lonely of the SpecOps divisions. SO-17 operatives worked in the twilight world of the semi-dead, changelings, vampires, lycanthropes and those of a generally evil disposition. Spike had been decorated more times than I had read Three Men in a Boat, but then he was the only staker in the South-west and no one in their right mind would do what he did on a SpecOps wage, except me. And only then when I was desperate for the cash.'