Nadia And I thought: It’s got to be good for something. Obviously I wasn’t going to eat it. I mean ’Best before December 1984’, you’re not going to eat it are you?

Nick How can you not know if / he’s your boyfriend?

Nadia But I thought: hold on to it. Everything has its value. Everything is of use. Don’t you agree?

Nick Who is he? A stranger?

Nadia No. Not a stranger.

Nick So? Ex-boyfriend? Ex-husband? / Pimp or …

Nadia Oooo … labels, labels. Simon’s a friend who I shag once in a while. If we’re in the mood.

Nick And who once in a while beats you about.

Nadia He had a difficult childhood.

Nick He’s not making much of a go at being an adult.

Nadia He’s doing the best he can with the knowledge that he has.

Nick Yeah?

Nadia Yes.

Nadia moves to the ansaphone, pushes play.

Ansaphone (female voice), ‘Hi. Me returning your call returning my call returning your call returning my call. / Etcetera. And so on. Ad infinitum. So. Call me.’

Nadia (laughs) Can you believe it? Three months of messages and we’ve never actually spoken?

Ansaphone (male voice), ‘Hello sexy gorgeous sexy you. / You were gorgeous, I was gorgeous. Let’s do it again.’

Nadia Creep. Big, big mistake. I don’t think so.

Pause.

Nadia Look. I’m fine now. Really, I’m okay. So if you wanna … you probably need to get back to your boyfriend.

Nick No, no.

Nadia You need to carry on looking for a boyfriend?

Nick No.

Nadia No?

Nick I’m … y’know… hetero … straight.

Nadia Really?

Nick Yeah, really. I mean, don’t I look like I’m … ?

Nadia You look like …

Nick A / convict

Nadia A convict. You look like a convict or a poof. And since you’re not a convict…

Nick I’m not a poof.

Nadia So what are you?

Nick I was just making my way along that street…

Nadia Which is a very poofy street.

Nick To get to another street where they have a club with dancing.

Nadia Do you like dancing?

Nick I’m not much of a dancer.

Nadia Bet you / could be.

Nick I can’t dance. But this club. They have like girls who dance on tables. With just little … things on.

Nadia Little things?

Nick Little … yes.

Nadia Hussies.

Nick Yeah.

Nadia What does a nice bloke like you want with hussies like that?

Nick Company.

Nadia Lonely?

Nick … Yeah.

Pause. Nick leans in to her. Kisses her. She screams out.

Nadia Fuck. Fuck.

Nick I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

Nadia Bleeding again now.

Nick I’m really sorry.

Nadia Stupid cunt.

Exit Nadia to bathroom.

Nick Is there anything I can … ?

Nadia (off) Yeah. Fuck off.

Nick Alright then. I’ll do that. Yeah. I’ll fuck off and next time Simon’s beating the fucking shit out of you I won’t… Yeah.