I’d always understood the nature of infidelity as something that stemmed from boredom or inadequacy. That the body sought out another body because we are primates, driven by primal intuitions. But with Blake my desires had shrivelled. Nothing in me wanted to be filled by another person. I had been told by my mother, when she still deigned to talk about bodily matters, that sex and love had nothing to do with one another, that a marriage could survive any kind of desert. Later, of course, Auntie Kavitha confirmed that Mother had been an unfaithful wife.

‘There was that whole mess with Sundar,’ she said. ‘Although your mother was never really that keen on him.’

‘Wait. I thought Uncle Sundar was gay?’

‘No, no. And then there was that doctor in Madras who indulged your mother’s tragic side. That was the more serious affair. It gave her a sense of controlling her life, because you know, your father was unrelenting about Lucy. He would not go see her. This broke your mother’s heart.’

You never think your parents lead more deceitful lives than you, but of course they do. I remember the closed shutters of Mahalakshmi, the many weekend afternoons we spent in our private corners pretending to sleep or read, just to be away from each other for a few hours so that when we reconvened we’d be able to bear each other’s presence again.

I’ve been thinking of taking Lucia up to Kodai for a few weeks even though the house is a ruin now. I heard the family fell out after the old man who owned the property died. Still, we could climb over the wall. I could show Lucia the view of the plains. We could stay at the club and take walks around the lake. We need a change, after all. The days are getting so warm, the sea so anxious.

Chapter 20

20

The last days of March. All the puppies are dead. For three weeks I’ve lain in bed – fevered and sore as if fire ants had orgied in the bones of my tibia and humerus, the needles of my spine. In the rare moments of lucidity I had thought only of Lucia. What will happen to her if something happens to me?

This virus is spread by the female mosquito. It makes gulags of your joints. When it first hit me I woke disoriented, bladder full. I tried to lift myself from bed but it was as if my palms were made of sponge. I sank down immediately. I tried to shout but the noise coming from me was soft and rippled out into nothing. At ten, Lucia stormed in saying, ‘Gimme breakfast.’