‘Sometimes I feel I can’t breathe. It’s all too much. Too hard. Then she’ll do something inexplicable. She’ll come over and squeeze my hand. She’ll look at me and start laughing, really laughing, as though I were tickling her. Other times she’s lost to me. She’s in a place I can’t know. And it isn’t sad so much, except I wonder what it’s about. I can’t explain it, but sometimes it feels to me that her knowledge is greater, grander than mine could ever be.’

‘I don’t mean by Lucia. I mean, don’t you feel suffocated being here all the time? It’s like a prison in a way. A beautiful prison.’

‘Can you believe my mother did this? Bought this place. Kept this secret. Kept so many secrets?’

‘You’re stuck, Grace. You keep tracing everything back to them, but here you are. Is this what you really want to be doing? Is this the best you can do?’

‘I feel I’m just beginning to understand things.’

‘I think you’ve always known.’

We get stoned one evening and watch The Sound of Music in Blake’s room. Lucia watches with us too.

‘I haven’t smoked since we were kids in Kodai,’ Blake says. ‘It’s terrific.’

We are lying on his bed. Lucia in the far corner. Blake and I squashed up on the other half.

I sing all the songs. Loudly, with conviction. Raindrops on roses and the hills are alive. ‘Isn’t Julie Andrews’ hair ridiculous?’ I say. ‘And honestly, the baroness is hot. Christopher Plummer is hot. Julie is just … it’s not convincing, is it?’

Lucia is sitting upright with her legs spread in front of her. All the hankies and socks in a pile between them. She’s swishing one sock around in her hand and she’s singing her own song – louder and stronger than mine. She’s moving forwards and backwards like a seesaw, droning.

‘Do you believe in reincarnation?’ Blake asks.

‘I like the idea of it, but no, not really.’

‘I think your sister is a prophet.’

I giggle. ‘No more weed for you.’

‘No, really. Look at her. There isn’t a line on that face. Nothing needs to be explained if you can understand the body. See the way she moves. She’s saying things all the time. Of course she understands everything. You don’t have to explain anything to her. She understands.’

‘Try that when we’re out of Coca-Cola. She shouts like a freaking banshee for hours.’

‘You’ve changed so much.’

‘How do you mean?’

‘You used to be a woman who needed stuff. You loved things. You had a shelf of toiletries. Now you’re a woman who can travel with a toothbrush. It rarely works that way. Usually you start off with the toothbrush and get into accumulation. You’re finding things out.’