I got such a shock I went out to the kitchen and starting bashing pots and pans together, basically because I couldn’t think what else to do. But I could hear Mark talking quietly and when he finally came into the kitchen he said, ‘I’m a man, Snow, and I’ve got needs like a man.’

I said, ‘What am I supposed to do? I’ve got nowhere to go,’ because at first I thought, ‘If she’s here, I must be out’ – she was younger and all that – but Mark said, ‘No, no, I’m not going to throw you out, but I want to do my thing with her too.’

I said, ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

He said, ‘Nothing changes.’

And I said, ‘But are you going to have sex with her?’

And he said, ‘I already have.’

I wanted to hit him with a pot, but he looked so happy, like a kid with a new toy, so I went into the lounge room and I sat down in the armchair and glared at his woman, and Mark said, ‘Come on, Snow, just say hi.’

I said, ‘Hi,’ like as short, as obvious as I could that I wasn’t happy about the fact that this woman was in my house and was having sex probably in my bed. But she didn’t care, and they started smoking pot and getting on with each other and that’s a bit boring when you’re the third wheel, so I went to bed and when I got up she was at least gone.

I still gave Mark the cold shoulder, but he just kept saying, ‘That’s what men do, Snow, they can’t control themselves. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be with you.’

I said, ‘How am I supposed to believe that? It’s not like we’re married, and you can throw me out any time.’

He said, ‘Don’t start all that,’ because I had been going on about why we weren’t married for quite a while by then and Mark would always say, ‘It’s no different being married,’ and I’d say, ‘There’s a big difference,’ and he’d say, ‘What would change?’ and I’d say, ‘My name for one thing!’

Mark said, ‘If you want to change your name go ahead and change your name, I can’t stop you. I might even change my own name.’

I asked him what he was talking about and he said he’d always hated the name Friedgut, and let’s face it who wouldn’t, and not just because it sounds strange but it was old man Friedgut’s name. So I rang Births, Deaths and Marriages, and they said, ‘Anyone can change their name, just come in.’ So we went in, and I said to the girl behind the glass, ‘He wants to change his name.’

The lady behind the counter said, ‘Fair enough.’

I said, ‘Does he have to know his real dad’s name, or what?’

She said, ‘He can call himself anything he wants, it’s a free country.’