It’s not just that though. My doubts run deeper, but I’m not brave enough to say this next part out loud.

If Callum and I were crazy enough to make it official, it would most certainly end. Once a winner is declared, one of us will have to vacate that spot in Makena. That would sow resentment, jealousy, maybe even hatred. It would be the end for us, and I would be destroyed, just like I was when I lost my dad.

I won’t—I can’t survive another loss.

I take another breath to steady myself. No sense spilling all my emotional baggage to Callum. He doesn’t deserve to get bogged down in my past, in my pain. I opt for a PG-rated version of the truth.

“I like you, Callum. But my work and my mom are my priority. I can’t compromise on those; they mean too much to me. I just don’t have the energy to add anything more to my life right now when I’m juggling so much.”

Callum takes a sip from his beer bottle. His face turns stony, but after he swallows, he’s soft again. “So what exactly does that mean?”

“It means I can’t do a relationship.”

His eyes shine as he gazes at me. “We don’t have to make this into some big thing, Nikki. I’m willing to keep things physical and casual, nothing more. I’m going back to Chicago after the festival anyway. Until then, we can keep work at work and quietly see each other in our free time. If that’s what you want.”

I sip from my beer bottle, hoping the icy liquid cools the flush running through me. Just the mention of us in bed brings back all the hot memories from last night and this morning. It’s been forever since I’ve been with anyone, and I almost forgot just how divine it feels to enjoy regular orgasms, to wake up cuddled next to someone you’re insanely attracted to.

I’ve done hookups before, but not in an official no-strings-attached agreement like this. Can I manage this with Callum? Can I have him in my bed at night after competing against him all day, every day?

I have no idea.

I pause for another sip of beer. Maybe since we’re stipulating that this is casual and there’s an expiration date, we can swing it. I sure as hell would like to try.

“I’d like that,” I say. “But only if you’re okay with it too.”

“I’m fine with it.” This time when he smiles, it looks more like he’s pursing his lips.

“We’d have to be discreet about the whole thing.”

“I’m not going to run and tell any food bloggers or vloggers, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Of course not. Sorry, that’s not what I meant at all.”