But it’s even more than that. It’s the fact that every day I park our truck in that spot, I hope against hope that the Hungry Chaps food truck will be parked there. Even though it will never, ever happen. When they didn’t show up that first day back, it was expected. It didn’t ease the knot in my chest at all though.

And every day since, the knot has grown bigger and tighter. Today I can barely breathe when I think of Callum and me sharing that spot, how for weeks we worked less than ten feet from each other during the day, then ravaged each other at night.

Yes, we’re done. Yes, we fought. Yes, we both said terrible things to each other. But that doesn’t erase our passion, our feelings, how he made me happier than anyone I’ve ever been with. How he was the only person other than my mom who I could talk to about my dad.

Another labored breath and my chest feels as though it will collapse under the weight of this invisible agony.

It’s all crystal clear now: I love Callum.

I would happily endure a million nosy vloggers all day, every day, if I had Callum in my line of view. If I could look up and see him flashing a half smile at me from the window of his food truck.

Mom’s voice pulls me back to the present. “Those bloggers or vloggers or whatever they’re called are certainly irritating. But I don’t think that’s the only reason why you’re so sad.”

When she inquired on the first day why everyone kept asking me about Callum, I froze. I never wanted to tell her about us, even when I thought we had lost our festival prize and I was about to force myself to come clean. I brushed off her question, saying the vloggers were desperate for a story and making things up about us. She nodded and didn’t mention it again. But for a split second there was that knowing look in her eyes, like she could tell I was hiding something. She gives me that same look right now.

“I’m not sad, Mom. I just miss Lemon.”

An eyebrow raise is all my explanation gets. It was the same eyebrow raise she gave me when she asked about Lemon not being at the condo anymore and I mumbled some half-assed excused about Penelope wanting to take her for a while. In actuality, Lemon is still with Callum because she just happened to be staying with him when we ended everything between us. I haven’t had the nerve to reach out to him and ask if I can see her or if we could somehow resume some sort of fair visitation schedule. The pain from our split is still too raw.