GRANDMA: But you won’t go in tomorrow! It might be days!

CASS: Then I’ll be drunk for days. LET THE LEMONS TREMBLE!

BRO: Jesus John F. Kennedy and Elvis, boy. You do make a party when you want to!

CASS: I do.

BRO: You light up the room with your mischievous grin!

With rapid skillful teamwork the two brothers slice lemons wholesale, pop open both fifths.

Toasting each present one by one—each brother drinking straight from his jug—subdued, reverent, very fast:

CASS AND BRO: Your health—

Your health—

Your health—

Yours—

Yours—

Your health—

This guy. This guy—

This guy’s health—

Pause. CASS takes in the scene.

CASS: Was I interrupting something?

BRO: Up to now you haven’t seen the real me. You’ve only been seeing me all nostalgic and wine-drunk. Now you’ll see the real me.

He guzzles.

PASTOR ROCK: Uh…I think if you drink a whole fifth too rapidly, it’ll kill you.

BRO: And what happens if you never ever touch the stuff? You die anyway.

CASS pulls a smoke from a recently opened pack in his pocket. Shares with his brother.

CASS (yelling upstairs): Dad! Would you like a Kool! I got one million of ’em here. Whoops! One million minus one!

CASS AND BRO (together): NINE HUNNERD ’N’ NINETY-NINE THOUSAND, NINE HUNNERD ’N’ NINETY-NINE.

GRANDMA (to BRO): It’ll be just like last time. Only it’ll be this time on top of last time, because they’re still after you—and John—

BRO: Now, John has got some serious trouble. But my warrant is under a whole stack of other warrants by now.

CASS: I don’t think your bonding agent’s gonna just forget it though.

BRO: A thousand dollars. He’s wrote it off by now, and it’s slipped out of his memory…There shouldn’t even be such a charge as “resisting arrest.” Do they expect you to go willingly?

GRANDMA: You must pay your debt to the law.

BRO: I don’t owe the—! Somebody owes me a tooth! Do you remember how I lost this tooth? That cop had his Thirty-eight Special shoved all the way inside my mouth. Some of these people are dangerous…Jesus Christ.

CASS: Jesus Christ indeed, sir.

GRANDMA: Cass, please. Don’t take our Lord in vain. For your own sake.

CASS: I’m sorry. But weren’t you the one kind of surprised me a while ago saying “ass”?

GRANDMA: “Ass” is acceptable speech now. They say it on TV. And “penis” too. I don’t decide these things!

CASS bangs for order with his fifth.

CASS: Question! Got a question…Folks!

Pause.

What’s the deal?

Pause.

PASTOR ROCK: Well, you’ve come to a sort of, a little—wedding ceremony, certainly a very unusual—

CASS: Did I miss it?

PASTOR ROCK: No…Not all of it.

CASS: Did I miss the part about speak now or forever, you know—

GIB: We’re not doing that part.

SUZANNE: Well—

BRO: What am I supposed to say?

GIB: Jesus. Do you expect him to say something?

SUZANNE: Not necessarily—I just—

BRO: Ha! Acknowledgment! Uh—I’ll have a double!