PASTOR ROCK:
Unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.
O my God, I trust in thee: Let me not be ashamed,
Let not mine enemies triumph over me.
Yea, let none that wait on thee be ashamed:
Let them be ashamed which transgress without cause.
Remember, O Lord, thy tender mercies;
For they have been ever of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth,
Nor my transgressions:
According to thy mercy remember thou me for thy goodness’s sake, O Lord.
Good and upright is the Lord: Therefore will he teach sinners in the way.
For thy name’s sake, O Lord, pardon mine iniquity; for it is great.

Pause.

What man is he that—

GIB: That’s very good, Pastor Rock, that’s quite excellent—I like that a great deal. Thank you.

SUZANNE: Thank you, Pastor.

PASTOR ROCK notices GRANDMA’s revolver on the counter.

PASTOR ROCK: Uh—

GIB: Suzanne, I vow to you—

PASTOR ROCK: Well, okay—uh. Is this loaded?

BRO: Off—and on.

GIB:—vow to be faithful and loving and kind. To lead you only when you ask me to, and to follow you when you know the way and I don’t know the way. To be your husband forever, to have and to hold until death. (Pause.) Okay—

SUZANNE: Uh, Gib, Gilbert, I vow to you to be faithful and loving and kind. To lead—(Dog is barking.) Please, doggie, please! Shut up!—to lead only when you—damn it damn it damn it—

She kicks dog out of the front door.

Sorry, Mrs. Cassandra—

GRANDMA: Kick it to death. It ain’t my dog.

PASTOR ROCK: I now pronounce you—oh:

SUZANNE:—to lead only when you ask me to, and to follow you when you know the way and I don’t know the way. To be your wife forever, to have and to hold until death.

PASTOR ROCK: You may kiss the bride.

GIB. Wait—you didn’t pronounce—

PASTOR ROCK: I mean okay, okay, okay. (Chuckling desperately:) I’m out here in the dead of night, remember. I now—which is rapidly turning out to be the crack of dawn—okay…uh…

Door to outside has begun thumping rhythmically. CASS’s voice scats to an old instrumental tune called “Tequila.”

CASS’S VOICE OUTSIDE:

Ba-bamp ba-ba-ba-ba bomp bomp—

Ba-bamp ba-ba-ba-ba bomp—

Ba-bamp ba-ba-ba-ba bomp bomp—

Ba-bamp ba-ba-ba-ba…bomp—

GRANDMA opens the door. CASS enters with both hands full of groceries, still attempting to pound out a rhythm on the door with his head. The dog slips in, too.

CASS: Grammaw, if you want a miracle I just met a man can turn dollar bills into tequila!

He sets out two fifths of Cuervo Gold and a lot of lemons, and gets a knife, salt, so on.

Ba-bamp ba-ba-ba-ba bomp bomp—Watch it, doggie, watch it, doggie, watch it, doggie…Hola, compadres y muchachos! Back from the hanging!

GIB: Whose?

CASS: Yours.

GRANDMA: What do you think you’re doing now?

CASS: In the family tradition, I am going to get “blotto.” I warned you all. I told everybody I’d sacrifice one more lemon on the altar, the night before I go to the Starlight.