“Sadly, this is actually quite common for many many couples, Gary, for a whole host of reasons,” Deirdre slips in soothingly before Gary makes clear in a loud voice that he doesn’t care about other couples right now.

I hug the dog and scan the office for a white noise machine, the mainstay in every therapist’s office, hoping no one in any of the neighboring offices will overhear us. But Deirdre’s machine is especially small and ancient-looking, huffing and puffing and working overtime in a corner; we need one the size of a basement dehumidifier here to drown us out. “Now that we’re officially technically separated,” I tell Deirdre, “I’ve told him he’s free to do what he wants.” I turn to Gary and fling my hands out over the sling. “Go have sex!”

“But I wanted to have it with you!”

“But it just didn’t work out that way!”

“But why not? I still don’t understand!”

Deirdre leans forward. “Yes, why not, Judy?”

I stare down at the dog, listen to the hum of the white noise machine. I have no other answer except for this: “Because I’m dead inside. And I don’t know if I’ll ever feel not dead.”

“Well then, Gary,” Deirdre offers, “let’s think about your options.”

“How am I supposed to have options when we still live together?” Gary yells. “If I meet someone, where would I bring her? Home to my family? To my—‘crowded nest’?” He shakes his head. “What good is an open marriage if all the doors and windows are locked?”

Deirdre looks up from her pad, eager to clarify. “So this is an ‘open marriage’ as opposed to a separation?”

He waves her away. “I don’t care what you call it. Judy should help me find someone. If the roles were reversed, I would do it for her.”

“You would help her find a boyfriend.” Deirdre shoots me a little side-eye.

“Absolutely.” He sits back, crosses his arms over his chest, then turns to me. “You know it’s true.”

I shrug. “It is true. He would help me. That’s the thing about Gary. He would do anything for me. Even that.”

Deirdre hugs her mug of tea with both hands, folds her feet up under her long flowing skirt. She’s getting comfortable for the rest of the story. “Tell me about that, Judy.”

I shrug, then force myself to speak. “The whole thing is just really embarrassing, for both of us,” I whisper. “Our arrangement. Not having enough money to be able to get divorced like normal people.”

“It sounds like you feel that there’s shame in staying. Shame in not leaving.”

I blink in disbelief. That’s exactly how I feel.

“Lots of couples can’t afford to split up right now in this economy,” she says. “Lots of couples with children either stay together, like you, until they figure it out, or they get divorced and double-nest. There’s no single right answer. And this kind of child-centered parenting can buy you some time while you figure things out and everyone adjusts.”